The internet is a very strange place.
A poster on Craigslist is looking for people to join them in starting a Mark Zuckerberg-based religion.
“Hey everyone, so I’m working on creating a new start-up religion which features Mark Zuckerberg as God and looking for collaborators who would be interested in working on such a project,” the post begins.
The religion is based on Greek mythology. Zuck is the main God, but there are other Gods and Goddesses, including Sheryl Sandberg and “Ashley Arenson who is this girl that Mark Zuckerberg had a crush on in high school.”
The post is long, and we definitely recommend you read the whole thing, but here are our favourite parts:
So in this religion’s mythology I was looking to create a setting that was like a school for Gods and Goddesses and divine saviors which I based on Zuckerberg’s high school Phillips Exeter which in the religion is kind of like a mystical school like Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry from Harry Potter. So there are all these other divine figures from Zuckerberg’s high school, like the rock singer Win Butler is the Maitreya, the Fifth Buddha, since he came from this school too. And then there’s other divine figures that have the similar origin of coming from Zuckerberg’s high school like a crazy former mental patient who thinks he’s Jesus who actually turns out to be Jesus and a Muslim guy from Afghanistan who is the Imam Mahdi and another guy who is this Pick-Up Artist coach who turns out to be Mars, the God of War but instead of being a great physical warrior he’s just a master of war-based video games. Then even though he’s God, Zuckerberg was trained in Divine Powers by his high school maths teacher Zuming Feng who turns out to secretly be The Dragon King who’s this ancient deity from Chinese mythology whose powers rival or even surpass those of God Himself kind of like Master Roshi from Dragonball. And then the school’s current Principal Thomas Hassan is actually Archangel Gabriel disguised as a human so he’s in the mythology too.
He also mentions:
You don’t have to believe in this to get involved, but I have the rare ability to make things up and then believe them, so I can write a fictional story about Zuckerberg being God and then suddenly believe it’s true even though I just made it up. I can also change my beliefs in an instant, so I can switch from being a Jew to being a Christian to being a Muslim to being a Scientologist to being an Atheist just by snapping my fingers. I don’t know many other people who can just change their beliefs in an instant or believe in something they just made up, I think it’s a special ability I have. But I just believe in anything I think it’s fun to believe in, so one day I thought it would be fun to believe that Star Wars was a true story of an ancient war that took place amongst real aliens that was revealed to George Lucas by the Force Spirit of the real Mace Windu so now I believe Star Wars is based on a true story just because I feel like believing it was. Then one day I just thought it would be interesting if Batman was based on a real historical figure from the 1920’s who was a real rich guy who fought crime dressed as a giant bat so now I believe Batman is based on a real historical figure, and this is all stuff I made up out of thin air then decided to believe was true.
As bizarre and crazy-sounding as this is, you have to admire this person’s passion. It certainly is thorough. And who knows, maybe if it catches on, we’ll all start signing in to Facebible.
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