Will The White House Respond To The Best Petition Ever?

white house

The White House set up an incredibly lame feature on its website where the lowly subjects can create online petitions. If a petition collects enough signatures, a lower-level staffer will write a response. 

Predictably the American people sniffed out the ruse, and created this amazing petition to expose the sham. It reads: 

We demand a vapid, condescending, meaningless, politically safe response to this petition.

Since these petitions are ignored apart from an occasional patronizing and inane political statement amounting to nothing more than a condescending pat on the head, we the signers would enjoy having the illusion of success. Since no other outcome to this process seems possible, we demand that the White House immediately assign a junior staffer to compose a tame and vapid response to this petition, and never attempt to take any meaningful action on this or any other issue. We would also like a cookie.

The American people may want everything, but this is something the White House is capable of delivering. Go ahead and sign it


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