On the surface, there doesn’t seem to be much of a crossover between the NBA and the “mumblecore” film genre. Fortunately, the tiny sliver that overlaps in this Venn diagram is right in the Negative Dunkalectics wheelhouse. Without further ado, we bring you…
“Which Mumblecore Movie Is Your favourite NBA Team?”
(If you’re not familiar with the film genre that emerged in the late aughts known as “mumblecore,” this New York Times article’s a good primer. Essentially, it’s a group of lo-fi, low-budget movies that expanded on the serial vignettes previously seen in films like Richard Linklater’s Slacker.)
Boston Celtics: Funny Ha Ha – Both are set in Boston and, more importantly, both share the prestige of being the most original and acclaimed in their respective world.
Cleveland Caveliers: Dance Party USA – Equally awful. Mercifully, LeBron has spared us his twittered-opinion of Dance Party USA.
Portland Trailblazers: Mutual Appreciation – The ultimate hipster movie and the ultimate hipster destination (until, that is, the Nets move to Brooklyn). The only thing missing is a Pitchfork-hyped band called Nicolas Batum.
Los Angeles Lakers: Cyrus – Maladjusted home-schooled youth battles middle-aged depressive for the heart of an old yet still beautiful matriarch. They learn that they need to get along for mum to be happy. That’s the Pau-Kobe-Phil dynamic, isn’t it?
New Orleans Hornets: Beeswax – Beyond their titular similarities, they’re both understated even by the standards of the genre.
San Antonio Spurs: The Pleasure of Being Robbed – Both have clear French influences. Both are also boring as sh*t.
Orlando Magic: Baghead – Get some relative stars together and still churn out a disappointing product. Gilbert Arenas is also the most likely player to wear a bag on his head for the duration of a game.
Denver Nuggets: Hannah Takes the Stairs – Hannah (Greta Gerwig) and Melo (Camelo Anthony) are similarly juggling several relationships in a fickle way while trying to figure out what they really want. Both will eventually move on to more lucrative projects (Greenberg/New York Knicks).
Oklahoma City Thunder: Humpday – Good production values. Flashy. Still kind of immature.
Washington Wizards: LOL – I actually haven’t seen this move but the title sums up the Wiz’s road record!
Los Angeles Clippers: The Puffy Chair – Like Donald Sterling, the characters in The Puffy Chair are inordinately cheap, culminating in an elaborate scam to avoid paying an extra $10 at a roadside motel. Both underachieve but feature a breakout star (The League‘s Mark Duplass and Blake Griffin).
New York Knicks: Tiny Furniture – A team and a filmmaker on the rise, experiencing growing pains in the process. Observing rich New Yorkers has never induced this much anxiety.
Miami Heat: Greenberg – Brash, obnoxious, sometimes bordering on mentally ill… but with a production value and talent level that rises about the genre.
Apologies if your favourite team wasn’t included, but we haven’t seen other mumblecore movies such as Nights and Weekends and Team Picture. Much like the Detroit Pistons, we acknowledge that they exist but otherwise can’t be bothered with them!
(written by Schmucko, with contributions from Chris, Kelly, and ProfessorBooty. The original post appeared on Negative Dunkalectics and is reposted with permission.)
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