24 things every man should take out of his closet and burn

It’s Spring. That means it’s time to clean out your closet and declutter.

If you open your closet and any of the 26 articles of clothing on this list are inside of it, the reality is that you need to start throwing things in the garbage.

Perhaps also consider building a dumpster fire.

Each and every item on this list has no place in an adult male’s wardrobe. Some of these pieces have simply outstayed their welcome, others have been and always will be fashion abominations. You probably just didn’t know it when you purchased them.

Now we’re not asking for much here. We’re not asking you to go out and buy the newest trend or throw money down on a pair of designer shoes.

We’re just saying that in these cases, less is most definitely more.

'Going out' shirts.


This is the male equivalent of a girl's 'going out' top. It's the shirt in your wardrobe that you think makes you look like you're ready to party.

Maybe it has some pinstripes. Maybe you think the colour is awesome. Maybe it's just black (don't wear that anymore).

Whatever it is, it's probably too much. Your regular shirts should be fine enough to 'go out' in. Don't try so hard.

Embroidered jeans


Unless you bedazzled your jeans yourself and want to show off your handiwork, there's really no reason to wear jeans with any kind of detail on the seat.

Adidas flip-flops

While we're on the topic of flip-flops, we should mention that the Adidas single banded sandals you wore in middle school should be long gone by now.

Yes, we know Mark Zuckerberg wears them, but let us be clear. Mark Zuckerberg cannot dress.

Flame everything.

Screenshot, Saturday Night Live
Saturday Night Live nailed Guy Fieri

Dude, you look like Guy Fieri.

Studded belts


This just screams 'teen angst.'

Do you still have teen angst?

The stand-alone button down vest.

Men's Warehouse

OK, wear a three piece suit. Sure.

But the vest look is mostly over. Anything that looks natural when paired with a fedora is over.

Tie dye everything

Tie dye T-shirts belong at children's birthday parties (where they are hand made) and the far, far recesses of your memory -- a hazy, immature, high school memory.

I hope I'm being clear.

Wide ties

Paramount Pictures

This one goes out to all the guys who were wearing ties in the 90s and are still wearing those same ties today.

Stop it.


The actual purpose of the Teva as an article of clothing remains unclear. Are they for running? No. Lounging on the beach? Surely there are better shoes for that. Hiking? Wouldn't one want to go with a close-toed shoe for that?

One can only come to the conclusion that these shoes were created to embarrass whoever is wearing them.

And you don't want to embarrass yourself, do you?

Square-toed shoes

We're not sure when these were in style, but they now seem to occupy this vortex where fashion goes into a zombified state and continues to live on after death. Help us make it stop.

Oversized belts

Fox Business screenshot

See Jamie's belt? Do not wear Jamie's belt.

Dad jeans

If you are a dad that's really still not an excuse. You can do better.


It is highly, highly unlikely that you can pull off a fedora. If you really think you can wear one, ask multiple people (some who love you, some who don't) if you're right.

You're going to need multiple OKs.

Cutoff shirts

No, you cannot wear your cutoff shirt to the gym. It still looks ridiculous.

Reflective/statement sunglasses


You are not Robocop.

And while we're on eye wear -- Croakies.

Maybe don't throw these out, just only wear them when you're in the woods. Or fishing. Or running for your life on a really bright day.

Otherwise, no.

Now that your closet is clear, get some inspiration from these guys...

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