I Just Finished A 72-Hour Cleanse, And Now I Can't Stand The Thought Of Eating A Vegetable

sam ro steakMe enjoying the 32 oz ‘Gotham’ rib steak at NYC’s Old Homestead.

I’ve always liked vegetables.

But I’ve also always loved junked food.

And while my blood pressure is normal and my cholesterol levels are optimal, I am overweight.

So, in an effort to kickstart a life-change, I went on a short cleanse diet. Specifically, I signed up for Organic Avenue’s 3-day beginner’s cleanse, a regimen of vegan juices and raw food.

Yes, it was a brief.

But three days off of coffee was painful, and it immediately hurt my performance at work.

And while most of the cleanse was very tasty — actually, the food was phenomenal — I spent much of the time struggling with what Organic Avenue calls “digestive disturbances.” (Use your imagination)

I did lose around eight pounds in those three days. But it came at a severe cost: I now hate vegetables.

In the same way too many Tanqueray and tonics in college ruined me for gin, three days of non-stop kale, carrots, and collard greens now have me gagging at the thought of my next salad.

I asked Reese Blaisdell of Organic Avenue about my post-cleanse experience, and she said this was the first she heard of a person walking away with more of an aversion to vegetables.

This is likely the “effects of detoxing,” speculated Reese. She explained that this could be the effects of a “body shock” as toxins were being dumped into my bloodstream.

I have faith that she’s right and that my newfound distaste for greens will fade. But for now, the memory of my 3-day cleanse will haunt me.

Each morning at around 6am, Organic Avenue would deliver my food for the day.

The friendly orange sack came with a slip with the day's menu.

Each day's rations came in an insulated box with an ice pack. Everything was labelled with numbers.

My Day 1 breakfast was 1 oz of liquid chlorophyll. It looked and smelled like modelling paint. It had a nutty taste.

No amount of brushing could get the green off of my tongue.

About 2 hours later, I had carrot juice. It was really sweet, but tasty and filling.

The 'Splendid Sweet Green Juice' was green indeed. Mint and lemon made it very refreshing! I could drink this sitting on the beach!

Kale salad with raisins! The lemon herb vinaigrette was sweet and tangy. The black olives added a nice briny pop, which was welcome given the lack of salt in everything else.

A little later, I had this Thai-style collard wrap. It had mango and chilli, and it came with an almond butter dipping sauce. flavour explosion!

This vanilla chia seed tapioca pudding was the first really bizarre item of the cleanse.

Yes, this is what it looked like up close...

...but it was fun to eat!

At around 7:30 PM, I had this cashew hemp milk. It was a sweet and filling end to the day.

Day 2, the no-coffee rule hit me hard. The pear juice and shot of aloe did nothing to wake me up.

GAG! Unlike yesterday's sweet green juice, this disgusting celery cucumber juice had no lemony or minty zing.

My menu said Greek salad with feta, red peppers and tomatoes. But they sent me the SAME kale salad I had yesterday. Still, a scarfed it down. Again, the salty olives were a treat.

The Day 2 treat was this amazing coconut milk yogurt with blueberries and cinnamon-raisin granola. It was like an exotic, Thai-style dessert. For a moment, I was taken away to Chiang-Mai!

Day 3 SUCKED! I slept through my alarm clock and woke up 2 hours late. My morning routine was completely broken.

I started with this 'blue-green algae from Klamath Lake, Oregon.' At this point, I was struggling with severe gastrointestinal adversity, and this didn't help.

Heading to work, I walked a full block passed my subway station without noticing. Brain function down.

The first thing I had when I came in late to work was something called orange juice.

Drinking this kale, Swiss chard, and parsley juice was like licking the underside of a lawnmower. HOW MUCH MORE KALE!?!?

KALE SALAD AGAIN!! The bitter kale-ness was all I could taste. It was like I was chewing on a garnish. I was gagging.

The collard leaf felt SO THICK on this tahini wrap. While the sauce tasted good, it had a nauseating yellowish-brown colour. It was all over my fingers.

Still, I powered through the wraps. This bed of shredded cabbage went into the trash.

More chia seed pudding. Please, God, let is stop.

The final item of my 3-day cleanse was this sour cashew hemp mylk. I chugged it down, even though they say not to do that.

Organic Avenue recommends you ease yourself off of the cleanse...

'This transition can be easy and fun and the love does not have to end. Choose to break your fast program gently. Prepare your home for the day after with fresh fruit and salad ingredients. Take this time as an opportunity to clue in to how your body feels as you begin to reintroduce solid foods. When you awaken, drink fresh water to re-hydrate yourself. '

But the first morning after the cleanse, I woke up hours late again. I was so weak I had coffee delivered to my place...

...along with a bacon, egg, cheese sandwich.

Sure, it was only 3-days. And you probably think I'm exaggerating when I say I now hate vegetables. Maybe you should try a 3-day vegan cleanse.

Having said all of that, if you're gonna do a cleanse, I'd highly recommend Organic Avenue.

BONUS: Here's me as a kid drinking Kool-Aid and eating my favourite food: corn dogs!

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