What Is Twitter For?

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Photo: Screenshot

Twitter has embedded itself into our culture.Newscasters read tweets on the air, celebrities tweet personal photos, and that weirdo from high school uses it as a vehicle to harass you.

All these disparate uses on the same platform beg the question: What is Twitter for?

From semi-serious to not-so-serious, these are the answers our friends gave to that question.

Walt Hickey, Politics Reporter at Business Insider

Twitter is an interactive record of the species where the only limitation is brevity. In light of this opportunity, humanity has stepped up and developed a comprehensive repository of puns, 90's references and @TheOnion retweets.

Follow Walt at @WaltHickey.

Jim Search, New York-based comedian

Twitter helps people form opinions based on celebrities' opinions. At least that's what I'm told.

Follow Jim at @JimSearch.

Seth Fiegerman, Business Reporter for Mashable

Twitter is my remote control for the internet.

Follow Seth at @sfiegerman.

Missy Baker, New York-based comedian

A cry for help.

Follow Missy at @TheMissyBaker.

Ryan Sorensen, New York-based comedian

Twitter is for people who want to scream witticisms into the wind, until they have enough followers to make them feel nice.

Follow Ryan at @funnysorensen.

Christoper Mims, Technology Reporter for Quartz

Today's tweets are tomorrow's Gawker posts, which are the day after tomorrow's news.

Follow Chris at @mims.

Ed Zitron, Founder of EZPR

Twitter is an endless exposed brick wall in front of which, deliberately or not, we all tell different variations of 'What's the deal with airline food?' until we all die.

Follow Ed at @edzitron.

Scott Nossen, New York-based comedian

Twitter is for following all the people who refused my friend requests on Facebook (read: the cute girl who sat in front of me in sophomore history class...Hi Karen!)

Follow Scott at @ScottNossen.

Rurik Bradbury, Founder of Unison

Twitter is a personal therapy app that helps you feel validated by awarding you with little stars and arrows.

Follow Rurik at @RurikBradbury.

Corbin Craft, Media Specialist for Virtual Virginia

Twitter is for voicing your thoughts and relieving yourself from having to turn them into actions. It is the great capitulation.

Follow Corbin at @CorbinCraft.

Ben Berkon, Producer at Ogilvy

I lik twweter b/c itz the futuur of converzation. #nobama

Follow Ben at @BenBerkon.

Rob Trump, Los Angeles-based writer

Twitter is for increasing class consciousness and agitating the masses into a communist revolution. Just kidding, it's for sex jokes.

Follow Rob at @freecialis.

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