- Sometimes you can feel like your partner is no longer attracted to you.
- This can be concerning but sometimes there are other causes.
- It’s important to communicate with your partner and focus on yourself.
Feeling like the person you’re in a relationship with is no longer attracted to you can be difficult to manage and tough to process.
But, there may be a deeper reason you’re feeling this way, and sometimes it has nothing to do with your relationship or your partner’s attraction to you.
Here are nine things you can consider trying if you’re starting to feel like your partner is no longer attracted to you.
Focus on your own self-worth.
If you’re doubting whether or not your partner is attracted to you, it might be best to focus on how you feel about yourself instead.
According to Daniella Bloom, LMFT LA’s premiere divorcée success coach and dating expert, if you think that your partner has lost interest in you, thinking better of yourself may help that.
“The basic principle we understand from Law of Attraction is ‘like attracts like,'” Bloom told INSIDER. “Our partners mirror what we feel about ourselves on a regular basis. When you start to show up differently for yourself, either your partner will stop and take favourable notice, or, someone else who is far better suited for you, will instead.”
Remind your partner why they were attracted to you from the start.
When you encounter this issue, Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola, relationship experts and authors of “How to Keep your Marriage from Sucking,” suggest using actions to remind your partner why you started dating in the first.
“To reignite attraction, lean in to attractive actions to remind you and your partner of why they were attracted to you in the first place,” Behrendt and Ruotola told INSIDER.
“… Create an environment to be alone together to reconnect doing something you used to do when you were a new couple, even if it’s just watching a movie, going to bed early, and sleeping until you’re actually rested.”
Make an effort to understand your partner’s needs.
When we feel victimized in relationships, it can be tough to keep a positive attitude and to acknowledge your own actions and behaviours.
Because of that, Behrendt and Ruotola suggest that you keep an open mind as you ask yourself what you may have missed when it comes to your partner and the disconnection you feel.
“Attraction wanes with disconnection, resentment, and even just time, but the flames can be fanned or extinguished depending on your actions and attitude,” they told INSIDER.
Communicate what you’re feeling.
Direct communication can be the fastest way to handle the disconnection between you and your partner.
Lisa Concepcion, certified professional love life coach and founder of LoveQuest Coaching, told INSIDER that communicating immediately is the best way to get to the root of the issue.
“Communicate on this immediately and not from a place of fear and judgment but from curiosity, compassion, and understanding,” she said. “There could be something else unrelated going on.”
Keep in mind that, in some cases, the root of the issue could have nothing to do with you.
By communicating, Concepcion said you can also find out if there’s something else going on in your partner’s life that they haven’t talked to you about yet. Or, if they have, it could be deeper than you think.
“There also can be something else going on perhaps with their career or health,” she told INSIDER. “I had clients come to me with this issue and when asked when they felt a lack of attraction it was connected to the passing of the spouse’s parent. Once they were free to communicate openly the spouse addressed resentments toward his now deceased mother that were being projected onto his wife.”
When you’re communicating with your partner, be calm and avoid confrontational actions.
During times when we’ve been hurt, it’s easy to express how you feel by yelling, crying, or focusing on anger. But, there are ways to talk to someone without feeling the need to be aggressive.
“Be honest and direct with kindness,” Concepcion told INSIDER. “Saying something such as, ‘Are you OK? Because I feel we’re a bit disconnected physically,’ is a way to show love and concern while acknowledging that something is off.”
Remind them that talking to you is a place of peace and comfort.
Regardless of the severity of the issues in your relationship, your partner should feel comfortable talking to you, especially if the issue has something to do with you.
So, before talking about how you feel they aren’t attracted to you, remind them how easy it should be to talk to one another about the things you’re currently facing.
“Remind them they can say anything to you. Then follow through on that,” Concepcion told INSIDER. “Most sex lives suffer when there’s a lack of openness and trust in the communication. Odds are there’s a crack in the communication and people are bottling feelings up.”
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