Our Christmas Gifts For The Biggest Names On Wall Street

Jamie Dimon With Guitar

We’re making a list.

We’re checking it twice.

We’ve spent the year finding out who has been naughty and nice.

And now we’ve put together a list of the gifts we’d like to give to the biggest names in finance and financial media.

Ho! Ho! Ho! Let’s go–>

Larry Kudlow, CNBC Anchor

Michelle Meyer, Economist at Barclays Capital

Michelle is a favourite of the editors of this site and a great many of our readers. So we're going to invite you to suggest gifts for Michelle in the comments section.

We're opting for a year's worth of vodka and sodas at Emment O'Lunney's, the favourite bar of former Lehmanites.

Dick Bove, Rochdale Securities Analyst

We cannot think of a better gift for Dick Bove than a bust of Ken Lewis, the fallen Bank of America chief who he fought so hard to defend. We didn't agree with Bove about Ken but had to admire the effort.

John Paulson, Paulson & Company

Can there be anything that John Paulson needs but doesn't have? Certainly nothing that money can buy.

So we think the only appropriate gift for Paulson is something money cannot buy. No. Not love. He's got his family for that.

We're talking about relief from scrutiny by Capitol Hill lawmakers who still think there is something wrong with the way he profited from the collapse of the housing bubble. Actually…wait…that is something money can buy. Make a bunch of political contributions in John Paulson's name.

Jamie Dimon, CEO of JP Morgan Chase

By all accounts, Jamie Dimon has had a good year. At least professionally.

Personally, he's suffered. He hasn't had the chance to play guitar--reportedly one of his favourite past times--all year long.

So for Jamie, we recommend that he gets a sixties era Gibson Les Paul electric guitar. Time to start jamming again, Jamie.

Melissa Francis, CNBC Anchor

Bob McCann, Head of UBS Wealth Management

Very obviously McCann needs a bunch of garden gnomes.

Much of his new job as head of UBS wealth management will consist on actually managing the Swiss banking gnomes in the upper management of UBS. Might as well get used to the little guys.

David Tepper, Hedge Funder

The latest winner of the great hedge fund lottery should get…aw, hell. Don't get this guy anything. He has it all, largely thanks to taxpayer bailouts of Too Big To Fail banks. So, in a sense, you've already given him an enormous gift.

Everyone knows that the only appropriate gift for Charlie Gasparino is soppresata. Or a date with DealBreaker's Bess Levin.

Lloyd Blankfein, CEO of Goldman Sachs

Vampire fangs and calamari.

No further comment necessary.

Meredith Whitney, Meredith Whitney Advisory Group

The Dollar Dominatrix should get the Cat Woman suit that Halle Berry wore in the awful film. You know why.


Have you been naughty or nice this year?

It doesn't matter. We don't have a list. And we wouldn't check it twice. We don't really care if you've been naughty or nice.

We're just happy you've been reading us this year. And we look forward to going through next year's adventures with you.

Let us know what you want. We'll do our best to make it happen.

Merry Christmas!

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