Vanity Fair Skewers Dan Loeb In A Parody Activist Letter About The Girl Scouts

Vanity Fair’s
recent profile of Dan Loebcalled the controversial hedge funder “Napoleonic,” “Machiavellian,” and the “Kanye West of Wall Street.”

It wasn’t the nicest characterization. But then again, Loeb has a knack for skipping the niceties in his famously caustic activist letters.

Now Vanity Fair is going after Loeb again, this time with a hilarious parody of his activist letter shtick. The victim? The Girl Scouts of America.

“I have cc’d this letter to everyone on the Girl Scouts of the USA board, for I wish to make clear that I find your mismanagement of Girl Scout Cookie sales to be epic and appalling, starting with the disastrous discontinuation of Lemon Chalet Cremes on your watch,” the fake Loeb writes to Anna Marie Chavez, Girl Scouts CEO.

“I am calling for a seat on GSUSA’s board, and for your immediate resignation on the grounds of incompetence, the inordinately waxy chocolate coating on this year’s batch of Thin Mints, and your organisation’s unconscionable failure to develop a cheddar-flavored savory cookie since the botched Golden Yangles experiment of the 1980s,” he goes on.

“Loeb” (authored by David Kamp) goes on to inform Chavez that he has taken a 19% stake in Girl Scouts and begun the process to find her replacement.

Read the full letter at Vanity Fair »

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