14 Things Every Woman Should Take Out Of Her Closet And Burn

Like training wheels and braces, at a certain age some things just aren’t cute anymore.

In fact, at a certain age, cute is over.

In and outside of the work place, young professional women should dress like they have jobs, pay taxes, and have moved out of the double bedroom on the second floor of their parents house they used to share with their younger sister.

For ladies slugging it out working on Wall Street, this is crucial. You will see your colleagues a lot, and you will need to look sharper and more put together them 100% of that time. Ask any woman that’s ever spent a day at an investment bank.

Luckily, this isn’t necessarily a hard thing to do.

However, there are a few items all-too-commonly found pieces of clothing in the American woman’s wardrobe that can destroy any impression of adulthood or maturity. We’ve collected a number of them here.

Like, girl. You should never have anything written on your butt.


Unless you have a time machine, there's really no reason to own one of these relics of a (dark) bygone era. Some women say they use them to pull their hair back at the gym, or while washing their faces.

Sorry, no. Those are still not acceptable places or times to be seen with a scrunchie, because there are no acceptable places or times to be seen with a scrunchie.

Graphic Tees

You are too old for this if you're above the age of 25. Buy a polo shirt, or wear a button up if you don't want to be particularly dressy in public. Otherwise tee shirts should really only be worn to the gym or while you're suffering from a terrible, terrible hangover.

Also, it should be noted that tees are especially horrible when they have words on them. They're even worse if those words are in a language you do not speak.

Skirts that go mid calf or too far below the knee.

Professional women aren't teenagers, but they're not nuns either. Skirts this length make everyone look short and dowdy.

Sweatpants with anything written on the butt.

I can't believe we have to go over this, but sweatpants with a word on the butt are a crime.

You should not wear them in the street where other living, breathing people can see you.

You should not wear them to the gym.

You should not wear them alone in your home.

They're just tacky.

While we're at it, lets just put sweat suits to bed in general.

The words 'sweat' and 'suit' should never be together anyway.

Additionally, terry cloth should not appear on your body as clothing. Ever.

Black 'work' pants.

A lot of women have these, but they look good on almost none of them. As Bloomberg very succinctly put it, 'you can do better.'

No really, think about this.

Put on the pair that you have and look at yourself hard in a full length mirror. Then ask yourself this question and be honest: 'Can I do better?' The answer is usually yes.

Glitter just about everything.

A little sheen here and there isn't a problem, but after a certain age ladies shouldn't own anything that could be described as their 'gittery' top... shoes... makeup...

You can wear the 'glittery' dress in Las Vegas or on New Years Eve. That's it. That's all you get.

Super square toed boots, or super pointy toed boots.

Don't be into extremes.

Super pointy boots make you look like a witch.

Square boots shoes make you look like a Budweiser Clydesdale.

Rhinestone anything. Trucker anything.

How fortunate that we can kill two birds with one stone on this slide.


You're going to regret this.


When Gossip Girl died, it took the headband with it. *Tragic, I know, but you'll live.

*Blair Waldorf is dead, long live Blair Waldorf

Mum jeans, flare jeans.

Mum jeans obviously had to make this list.

But I'd also like to call your attention to flare jeans. During the early 2000's we made the mistake of bringing these jeans back to polite society. It may happen again, but it'll still be wrong.

Either way, flare time is over. If you have these jeans, it's time to dispose of them.

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