La DressCode: The Banker's Guide To Dressing And Smelling Like A Winner

UBS dresscode

You’re not going to believe this, but UBS has published a manual instructing its bankers how to dress (and what to smell like).

Actually, it’s more like a manifesto: the thing is 44 pages long.

As you might expect, it’s full of some helpful advisories and cringe-inducing tips and dictates on how the ideal UBS-er will present his or herself in the workplace.

But since it’s a tome, and it’s since it’s written in French, we’ve distilled the most entertaining directives in the handbook for your entertainment pleasure.

Source: UBS

  • 'A flawless appearance can bring inner peace and a sense of security.'
  • 'Adopting impeccable behaviour extends to impeccable presentation.'
  • 'The garment is a critical form of non-verbal communication.'

Source: UBS

Jackets for women: Keep them closed unless you're sitting

  • 'Jacket buttons should be closed. When seated, they must always be open.'
  • 'Only when it is very hot, and after confirmation of your supervisor, can you wear the shirt without a jacket.'
  • 'While blazers are equipped with pockets, they were not designed to contain a large number of personal effects or accessories. Leave these empty, so they do not deform.'

Source: UBS

Jacket for men: Don't look like a pinhead

  • 'The jacket should be closed when you stand or you're travelling.'
  • 'The shoulders should have natural proportions: if the shoulders are too broad you will appear too big with a too-small head.'
  • 'Conversely, too narrow shoulders could make your head look excessively large.'
  • 'The jacket must completely cover your posterior.'

Source: UBS

Glasses: Keep them characterless

  • 'Eyewear can only be in a subdued colour range.'
  • 'Ultra-trendy eyewear or too showy coloured glasses are not tolerated. Ultra-hip glasses or lenses in too gaudy colours are not allowed.'
  • 'Make sure that your jewelry be matched to the metallic colour of your glasses' frames.'
  • 'Sunglasses cannot be worn on top of the head.'

Source: UBS

Perfume: Don't be an invading cloud

  • 'A scent should at first be perceptible at a distance - an arm's length - but should be discreet.'
  • 'If you like wearing perfume or after-shave, remember, the scent of a perfume is more pleasant than being invaded by a fragrant cloud.'
  • 'Try a new fragrance during your lunch break.'

Source: UBS

More on perfume: Whatever you do, do NOT using a lotion that clashes

  • 'The ideal time to apply perfume is directly after you take a hot shower, when your pores are still open.'
  • 'In addition, your skin should not be dry. Therefore, you should always first apply body lotion to your skin.'
  • 'It is important that this lotion is fragrance free or smells neutral, because even if it's pleasant, when mixed with the perfume it could clash and be too harsh.'

Source: UBS

Jewelry: A watch is allowed if it's not a safety threat

  • 'Stop wearing bracelets and earrings.'
  • 'Piercings, besides earrings, and tattoos are prohibited. Tattoos, piercings or anklets are outdated and do not look professional.'
  • 'You can wear a watch to the extent it does not threaten not safety.'
  • 'Out of consideration for our foreign customers, avoid conspicuous religious symbols.'

Source: UBS

Hair: Don't underestimate its importance

  • 'Every little hair that grows on the body has a function. The eyebrows protect the eyes from perspiration and eyelashes protect dust and small insects. Nose hair traps dust and foreign matter...'

Source: UBS

Bad breath: Be vigilant

  • 'Our body odor can not be changed. However, we can ensure that it produces only pleasant scents.'
  • 'Strong breath (garlic, onions, cigarettes) can have a significant impact on communication. It is nevertheless possible to fight bad breath - during the week avoid dishes made with garlic and onions.'

Source: UBS

Facials: Not just for women...

  • 'Factors that lead to the pollution of the skin are many. Since our skin is basically our 'first' garment, it requires care too.'
  • 'We recommend protecting skin by applying a skin cream that consists of nourishing and soothing elements. Thus, your skin will appear beautiful and you will be radiant!'
  • FYI - this was in the man section.

Source: UBS

Watches: What do you want it to say about you?

  • 'If you wear a watch, it suggests reliability and that punctuality is of great concern to you.'

Source: UBS

Shoes: If you're not using a shoe horn, get out

  • 'An appropriate remedy to prolong the life of shoes is to replace heels early.'
  • 'Always put on your shoes with the help of a shoehorn.'
  • 'Completely unlace your shoes after use.'
  • 'After having worn a pair of shoes, allow your shoes at least one day, so let the leather dry out and rest.'

Source: UBS

Ties: Length perfection and letting it have a siesta is key

  • 'Each time you remove your suit, untie your tie and hang or wrap it.'
  • 'Give your tie at least one rest day before reuse.'
  • 'The tip of your tie should under no circumstances enter your pants.'

Source: UBS

Underwear: Your body shouldn't suffer...

  • 'Underwear is among the most intimate parts of our clothing.'
  • 'Your underwear must not be visible through your clothes, or stand out.'
  • 'Your figure should not suffer from the way you wear your underwear.'

Source: UBS

Shirts: Remember to be an elitist

  • 'Do not wash, nor ever iron your shirts yourself.'

Source: UBS

Now check out how Goldman Sachs wants its bankers to dress...

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