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Bon Temps is about to get crazy … confusing. When season four of “True Blood” ended last September, Sookie was cradling an injured Tara, Bill and Eric slaughtered a crew of vampires, Jason was met by a newly resurrected Reverend Steve Newlin and that’s not even the half of it.
With more than a dozen storylines, if you go into season 5 unprepared, you’re going to get lost fast. (We know because we’ve already seen the first episode).
As an aid, we’ve created a cheat sheet to catch you up to speed before the big premiere Sunday night at 9 p.m.
Scott Foley ('Grey's Anatomy') joins the cast as Patrick, a sargeant who served with Terry in Iraq.
Patrick claims he's passing through Bon Temps, but no one just 'passes through' without some sort of agenda.
Foley told TV Line he's just a normal guy trying to settle a score.
' … I'm just a guy! I'm not a vampire or a werewolf, I'm not a werepanther, I'm not a fairy; I'm not a shapeshifter. I'm just a guy coming into town trying to finish up something he started back in Iraq,' Foley said.
His vision tells Arlene to keep far away from Terry, and the man who just showed up from his past.
This seems slightly bizarre considering Terry has been the centre of all things good in her life up until this point. Do we see a huge character change coming?
Suddenly, the show became 'The Boondock Saints.'
Herveaux shows up at town bar, Merlotte's, to tell Sookie he's done with his old girlfriend Debbie Pelt. He then lays his heart on the line, all but begging Sookie to leave the drama of her vampire boyfriends Bill and Eric, run away with him and start a wolf pack.
Too bad Sookie is more into bites than bark.
Jessica shows up at Jason's in a Little Red Riding hood outfit. Jason's more than accommodating; however, she's not interested in anything more than a friends with benefit routine.
It's a typical case of 'It's not you, it's me.'
Last time we saw Rev. Steve Newlin he was out for vampire blood. Now, he's one of them, and he's stopped by to pay Jason a visit after his girl toy dumped him.
In what was one of the most bizarre storylines to come out of 'True Blood,' Marnie (the witch who wanted to extinguish the vampire race in season four) was killed and then returned (in spirit) to take possession of Lafayette's body. (Yeah, we rolled our eyes at this, too.)
Marnie … er Lafayette … then tied up Jesus and forced him to turn over his 'bruja' powers before leaving him for dead.
Halfway through the season finale, Tara finds Jesus dead.
Jesus' best line before he's offed: 'You can't trade magic like Pokémon cards.'
Apparently, you can.
Crazy Marnie-controlled Lafayette tied up Sookie's two love interests in a feeble last attempt to destroy them.
With the help of Sookie's fairy cousin (we told you, it gets bizarre), Marnie gets defeated in a matter of seconds.
The men were OK, too. Clearly, because they can self heal.
Sookie's grandma resurrected from the dead (We're not even going to try to comprehend this.) to relinquish Lafayette of Marnie's hold and put all of this witchcraft nonsense to an end ... for the present.
Lafayette's only issue now is seeing visions of his now-deceased boyfriend.
The men have had it with Sookie. The two let their rage take over and end up killing members of a vampire uprising.
Nobody calls Bill and Eric two grovelling puppy dogs.
She just doesn't understand how Eric can be attracted to her irresistible fairy blood.
Alcide found his chains at the scene where he was previously buried.
(As if we didn't have enough villains to keep straight.)
... because Sookie is to blame for everyone's problems.
So, while she has the little problem of Tara bleeding out on the floor in her arms, she also has a dead body to worry about.
Is she dead? Is she alive?
You'll get the answer Sunday night.
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