I have writers block when it comes to market perspective, as well as trader’ block. I made money yesterday; I lost about the same amount today. I thought I could get back into it, but I cant. I really do need to put myself back in trader rehab. I am going to try, not to trade the rest of the month. Hopefully the other partners can carry the firm, because we must make money monthly if we are to survive. I can survive one drawdown like I had last month. I do not want to go through it again though as every time a trader takes 3 steps forward and then 2 steps back, it takes a piece out of his soul.
And what of the soul, who am I to cry over spilled milk? Who am I to moan over a rough day? A difficult period? I am no one. Part of my recovery is to destroy my ego. To rid my “Self” of its worst enemy, my “Ego”. Once again I turn to my past, my family history to gain perspective and remember it is by the grace of many who came before me that I have the opportunity to build my company, HEDGEFUND LIVE, it would be with disregard for their legacy if I allow all that I have accomplished to date be damaged by my own hands, by my own ego.
In my last blog I spoke of my grandparent’s marriage, I spoke of my family’s escape from Nazi Germany. I spoke of the birth of my father. So I will return us to that time as I continue to mend myself by remembering those who came before me. Through those memories regain strength and fortitude.
As a mother, my grandmother indulged her girls, sneaking cigarettes in the bathroom with my Aunts Rochelle and Rozi, and allowing her daughters to stay home from school on a whim so that they could go buy cashmere sweater sets with the cash that Ma had siphoned off the household fund. The boys of the family, meanwhile, Shlomo, Max and my father Ephraim, also basked in the love of a mother who spoiled and indulged them and a father who loved and confused them about issues theological, social and financial. Somehow, though, in the melting pot of Williamsburg, New York a firm household was established.
And then five became four.
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