To Fannie And Freddie Chiefs: Some Advice From Eminem

The heads of Fannie and Freddie are set to testify next month on Capitol Hill, where they’re going to get pilloried by high and mighty Congressmen. Dealbook offers some up some traps they ought to avoid, like confirm you’re out of touch and say one thing; ooze another. It all basically boils down to: don’t act like Dick Fuld did.

The advice is fine, but we think they should take another tack: Be like Eminem during his triumphant battle rap scene from 8 Mile. During their opening statements, they need to pre-empt the Congressmen with all that they’re going to get lobbed against them. So that when it comes around to questioning, the inquisitors are totally dumbstruck with nothing to say. Something like:

‘Chairman Waxman, Ranking Member Davis, and Distinguished Committee Members… (DJ starts scratching) I was overpaid, I did push risky loans and encourage a culture of no-doc loan sales, I did mislead shareholders on the health of our firms even when it was apparent that things were deteriorating, I did buy off Congressmen on both sides of the aisle in an attempt to stave off regulation… etc.

Er, Eminem does it better (warning: lyrics not suitable for work):

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