4 tips for flirting on dating apps, according to a dating coach who charges $10,000

A woman uses both thumbs to text on her phone.
  • Dating coach Amy Nobile charges clients $US10,000 ($AU13,569) for her flirting and dating app expertise.
  • She told Insider the key to text-based flirting on apps is warmth and positivity.
  • Nobile suggested using a match’s profile to guide your questions, and to get curious about your differences.
  • Visit Insider’s homepage for more stories.

As the founder of date-coaching service Love, Amy, Amy Nobile works one-on-one with singles to teach them how to flirt on dating apps, secure quality matches, and find meaningful relationships.

Nobile takes a hands-on approach with clients, logging into their dating app profiles at the same time they do. This leads to a collaborative experience, where Nobile show clients how to flirt over text and then lets them take the wheel.

For $US10,000 ($AU13,569), clients get four months of flirting coaching, in-person date coaching, and on-demand support from Nobile.

She told Insider the advice she doles out to jaded singles to help them find love.

Get into a playful mood before you start swiping

The best flirts have a warm, positive, and playful vibe, according to Nobile,

“Connecting on a deep level is the new flirting – energy, vibing, all that stuff. Flirting is about connecting on an energetic level, in my mind,” Nobile said.

That’s why she suggests getting yourself into that mindset before you start swiping.

To do that, Nobile recommends using “flies,” a made-up word she created to combine “flirting” and “eyes,” in your everyday life.

To practice your “flies,” hold eye contact for three seconds with someone walking by in the opposite direction, said Nobile. As you’re about to pass each other, offer a smirk or brief smile, depending on your audience.

She added that being mindful and savoring the joys in your daily life can also help you prepare to flirt over text.

Always ask a match, ‘What keeps you busy?’

Nobile always tells her clients to start a conversation by asking “What keeps you busy?”

This framing allows someone to talk about their career, but also leaves room for discussion about hobbies and passions.

According to Nobile, responses to this question will clue you into whether a match is self-sufficient and if they’re excited about their day-to-day life, two important qualities in a long-term partner.

Reference their profile to keep the conversation flowing

To keep the conversation flowing, pick something you haven’t yet discussed from their profile, and ask a question about it, said Nobile.

If a match said they’ve run four marathons, you could write, “Wow! Four marathons?! Does running run in the family?”

Get curious about a match’s differences instead of writing them off

Instead of searching for a date who shares all of your interests or perspectives, Nobile suggested getting curious when differences do arise and finding a love interest who does the same.

For example, if you match with someone who loves to hunt but you don’t understand the allure, avoid saying “I hate hunting.” Instead, ask why they enjoy it and explain you’ve never tried it, said Nobile. This way, the conversation keeps a positive tone.

If you find yourself feeling uncomfortable because of the questions a match is asking you, it’s OK to end the conversation right away, said Nobile.