Michael Fassbender's new movie 'The Snowman' is getting trashed by critics, and the reviews are hilarious

  • “The Snowman,” starring Michael Fassbender, comes out this weekend.
  • Critics hate it, but they’re having a blast reviewing it.
  • The director blames the film’s quality on time constraints during filming.
  • A lot of the film’s reviews have snowman puns.

“The Snowman” comes out this weekend, and critics already hate it.

The film is based on Jo Nesbø’s best-selling novel of the same name, originally published in 2007.

It stars newly married Michael Fassbender as Harry Hole, a detective investigating serial killings in Norway that involve, you guessed it: a snowman! Tomas Alfredson (“Let the Right One In,” “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy”) directed the film, which also stars Rebecca Ferguson and Charlotte Gainsbourg.

The reviews are in, and they’re bad. The movie has a 26% rating on reviews aggregator Rotten Tomatoes.

But given the fun material they had to play with, including the strange marketing campaign, critics didn’t hesitate to take advantage of snowman puns to express their hatred of the movie. Alfredson is now blaming the film’s quality on the fact that due to time constraints, they didn’t get to shoot 10-15% of the script.

Here are some of the funniest quotes from reviews of “The Snowman:”

'Beyond these stellar opening credits, there stretch two hours of icy, mostly lifeless waste.'

Universal Pictures

Mike McCahill, IndieWire

'It looks great, but only as a triumph of style over substance. I'm sorry to say it left me cold.'

Universal Pictures

Brian Viner, Daily Mail UK

'Jo Nesbø's best-selling serial-killer mystery becomes all coal and no carrot, despite a sterling cast and crew.'

Universal Pictures

Jason Solomons, The Wrap

'Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but there's no fire -- delightful or otherwise -- inside 'The Snowman,' a suitably frosty but flaccid first attempt at Hollywoodizing the oeuvre of popular Norwegian noir merchant Jo Nesbø.'

Universal Pictures

Guy Lodge, Variety

'Take away all of the Scandi-noir signifiers -- patterned woolly jumpers, Volvos, frozen fjords, and lots and lots of bridges -- and The Snowman melts away, leaving nothing but a puddle.'

Universal Pictures

Nicolas Barber, BBC

'The weather outside is frightful in The Snowman, the long-gestating movie adaptation of Norwegian crime writer Jo Nesbo's 2007 literary smash hit, which has sold in the millions.'

Universal Pictures

Stephen Dalton, The Hollywood Reporter

''The Snowman' is something of a wash-out, lacking anything resembling thrills, chills or suspense. It is, in a word, abominable.'

Universal Pictures

-Matthew Turner, i News UK

'There might be some grim pleasure in watching the film as an unintentional comedy, but it won't take away the depression of seeing so much good talent and potential go completely to waste.'

Universal Pictures

Kevin Jagernauth, The Playlist

'No, this is not an extremely gritty reboot of 'Frosty the Snowman.' But all things considered, it's not much better than a gritty reboot of 'Frosty the Snowman' either.'

Universal Pictures

Matt Singer, Screen Crush

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