The Nine Ways To Guarantee Success

I really blew it and everyone knows it. I was even asked to speak at some conference about Failure on I think June 13. I might’ve deluded myself into thinking I’m the keynote speaker. But I might just be on a panel. I don’t know. Hopefully I won’t fail at it. But if I do I hope you can all come and watch it happen in slow motion. By the way, my favourite technique in public speaking is to slightly slur my words but that’s another post.

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I’m like Dr. Failure. I know exactly what you need to do if you want your wife to hate you, if you want to get thrown out of school, if you want to lose your investors $100 million. If you want to lose your home, and so on.

1/16 of the time people are happy. The rest of the time they are unhappy. So you if you start to avoid all the things that cause unhappiness then maybe there’s a small chance you can improve the ratios in your favour

Claudia says “why are you writing about failure? Think positive!” What? Avoiding every possible way to fail is the most positive thing you can do to be happy and successful.

Here’s the REAL reasons entrepreneurs fail. Its not because of a bad programmer. Fire him and get a new one. Its not because a client pulled out at the last minute. Get a new client, or anticipate. It not because your girlfriend cheated on you. Kick her to the curb. Its not because some guy sued you or your employees delivered an unfinished product. We already know its your fault. Every failure (EVERY) failure boils down to these core reasons that come from the INSIDE. Some might seem obvious but they really are the ONLY reasons for failure. They are the CORE FOUNDATIONS of every failure. Pay attention to them please.

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This post was published at The Altucher Confidential.


This is obvious. If you are sick all the time, you won't be successful at a business. When I was a venture capitalist I would never invest money to a guy hooked up to a ventilator. Or even if I suspect they are clinically depressed. Many people avoid second dates if they find out on the first date the girl has late-stage terminal cancer. This is sad but reality.

What does it mean for an entrepreneur? Put good things in your body. Exercise. Don't drink. Sleep 8 hours a day. That's it. Then you probably won't get sick as much and you'll have a lot of energy to do your business. If you're sick in bed all the time, your business will fail.


I went out for dinner the other night with people who couldn't stop talking, eating, and drinking. One person had business ideas. The other person wanted to write a novel. All night long drinking, eating, talking about business ideas, talking about writing novels. Talking, eating, drinking, talking, walking, drinking again, talking more. Then you sleep. Wake up at eight. Bloated, sick, heavy.

Wake up at eight -- then you are too late. If you want to succeed you first have to get up and start. You can't watch SharkTank, you have to be the shark. Don't waste time. Start NOW. No more stuffing your face. No more parties at high-tech meetups with lots of social media experts. You know you only want to have sex with a social media expert. Stop lying about it. Start your business.



Everyone is lazy some of the time. If I am bored with something I'm lazy. But with a startup, or if you are trying to move up in the corporate world, or if you are falling in love with a girl, you can't be lazy. She wants to go dancing tango. You want to watch Jay Leno. You're a lazy pig. She'll find someone else to tango with. You have to be working at it all the time, except when you sleep and exercise and even then your subconscious is working at it. For jobs and startups, its a 10-12 hour day. There's no avoiding it. Managing that time is a different story but that's how you beat the 9 hour a day competitors.


If your programmers present you a final product, you still have to check every page, click on everything, click on everything fast and twice, don't forget a birthday or an anniversary, don't forget everything your boss told you or everything the client wanted. Be detail oriented. Persistent carelessness equals consistent failure.


Is this the right business? Or should I back up and start fresh with a new idea? Should I hire this girl? Or that guy? I'll hire this guy but then I'll have doubts and I wont follow up. I'll go out with this girl who is rich but maybe I really like that sexy girl who I met in an elevator. If you're stuck in too many middles, you get sliced up into bits of broken glass. Your businesses implodes, your relationships have to start back at zero. You vacillated and ended up with nothing. Congratulations. By the way, pick the sexy girl.

No progress


You Fall Backwards


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