These are all the jokes Ann Coulter refused to use on the Comedy Central Roast of Rob Lowe

Anne Coulter Alberto E Rodriguez 2 Getty
Ann Coulter on the ‘Roast of Rob Lowe.’ Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty

The “Roast of Rob Lowe” aired Monday on Comedy Central, and not only did roaster Ann Coulter get a lot of insults thrown her way, but her own jokes fell flat.

Roasting Lowe with veteran stand-up talents like host David Spade and roast king Jeff Ross, the conservative commentator should have taken some of the jokes the show’s writers compiled for her, as many non-comics who go on the roast do.

But Mike Lawrence, who was one of the writers for the show, revealed on a Facebook Live chat that Coulter rejected the jokes given to her. So we were instead entertained by Coulter’s own material, which did not go over well with the audience that was more shocked by what she said than entertained.

Here are a few of the jokes she said:

“I’m hoping to persuade you all to vote for [Donald] Trump, most of all I want you David [Spade], because it would prove the media is lying when they say that Trump won’t get the vote of a single spade.”

“Rob [Lowe]’s last show was called ‘The Grinder,’ hard to believe a TV show named after a gay dating app wouldn’t be a huge hit.”

“She does not understand humour or joy,” Lawrence said about Coulter on the Facebook Live chat.

Then Lawrence, along with fellow comic Earl Skakel, brought out a blond puppet named “Coultergeist” and read off six jokes that Lawrence and others wrote for Coulter:

1. “I have to say, Rob, it’s nice to finally not be the most hated person in the room.”

2. “Peyton Manning [a fellow roaster on the show] is a model citizen and his forehead is a model for the wall that Trump’s going to put between the U.S. and Mexico.” 

3. “Ralph Macchio’s [another roaster] first ever credit was in the movie ‘Up the Academy,’ playing a character called Chooch Bambalazi. Are you serious? Even Donald Trump thinks it’s too racist to call a wop Chooch Bambalazi.”

4. “That would be like if Jeff Ross’ first credit was a character named Mosha Gefilte Fish Streisand Ziegmillianberg. And before you ask, Jeff, I wouldn’t f–k you with Hillary Clinton’s d–k.”

5. “Rob Lowe is like America: He hasn’t been great since Reagan was president and unemployment is becoming more and more of a problem for him.”

6. “Giving you a roast is the worst decision Comedy Central’s made since they replaced Jon Stewart with a South African child. That’s a Trevor Noah joke, the one immigrant I’m most excited to see deported. Am I white, people? Am I white?”

In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Coulter said that she and some friends, including joke writer Ned Rice, wrote her material for the roast.

“I couldn’t use much of what was given to me by the network because of Comedy Central’s decision to shift away from humour,” Coulter said.

Watch the full Facebook Live video below:

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