This dystopian Facebook imagines a world where Mark Zuckerberg stole your data and brands talk to you like you're best friends

Instead of letting your eyes glaze over while you scroll through your Facebook feed this weekend, let us suggest a wonderfully bizarre alternative.

Check out The Data Drive, the Facebook of a dystopian future which imagines that CEO Mark Zuckerberg has ditched the social networking site and taken all of our data with him.

In the wake of Zuck’s devious departure, a Texas mattress mogul bought the site’s skeleton and is launching a “data drive” to get users to resubmit their personal information.

“No sliver of data is too small to help — from the most basic (ex. ‘I like the Red Sox and went to college in Buffalo, NY’) to the most intimate (ex: ‘I have body issues and am particularly susceptible to weight loss advertisements’),” the site reads.

Meanwhile, you’ll get repeatedly pinged by Chipotle, as the brand sends you Facebook messages encouraging you to buy a burrito bowl and ask for a raise at your job (because “you totally deserve one”).

Dan Kolitz, who created the interactive, alternate reality Facebook with help from Sam Lavigne, tells Business Insider that he had no idea that the social network had actually, just this week, started allowing brands to message people.

“I’m shocked that that’s actually a thing — that’s totally crazy to me,” he laughs. “When I put that together, that did not strike me as a plausible future feature that Facebook would be adding. I guess I was proved wrong literally immediately.”

Kolitz, who also created The Printed Internet back in 2013, made more than 100 collaged pages for Data Drive, so you can explore the futuristic Facebook more than half an hour and still feel fairly certain that you haven’t stumbled upon every weird, satirical morsel.

“We all know on some level that we’re giving up absurd amounts of information to Facebook on a daily basis willingly, but we rarely consciously register it,” he says. “The fact that there’s some physical location somewhere in the country — some data center storing all of America’s interests and proclivities and fears — is weird and interesting.”

Since the site launched, Kolitz says he’s received a ton of responses from people who actually did submit some of their data as a “donation,” some clearly jokes, but others that feel more real.

“I’m uncomfortable expressing myself around my parents, even though I know they’d love it if I did.” “I dream about killing goats.” “I like the Boston Red Sox and smoking weed.” “I claim to enjoy art, but secretly wonder how much of my enjoyment is for the benefit of people around me.”

We thoroughly recommend you check the site out yourself, but here’s a quick look:

People can get prizes for submitting their personal info:

Note Chipotle’s messages:

You’ll see status updates from your “friends”:

The Data Drive

thedatadrive.com

The site’s new owner vows that he’s committed to tracking down Zuck:

The Data Drive

thedatadrive.com

It’s all about the ad experience:

The Data Drive

thedatadrive.com

In this alternate reality, Kolitz says he imagines Zuckerberg’s data theft to come off almost like a “bizarre-o Edward Snowden” type of situation:

The Data Drive

thedatadrive.com

And — a la “The Snappening” or the Sony leak — the press would of course exploit the loose info for stories:

The Data Drive

thedatadrive.com

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