Americans spend an average of $2 billion on Halloween candy every year.
But not all Halloween candy is created equal. We thought back to our trick-or-treating days to determine which candy we were most excited to find in our plastic pumpkins.
Obviously, anything king-sized immediately dominates. But without size as a factor, here are the 15 best candies ranked extremely scientifically* and in descending order:
15. Junior Mints: These are highly underrated. The gooey and sugary mint interior and chocolate coating make Junior Mints a nice change of pace from the other candies in your bag.
14. Starbursts:The texture of these bright candies might be a little waxy, but there’s literally a “burst” of flavour. So yummy.
13. M&Ms:No candy-coated chocolates can compare to M&Ms. They’re the original, and are always a treat.
12. Pop Rocks:’80s and ’90s kids know how cool these are. Pop Rocks crackle and pop in your mouth and taste like pure sugar — what’s not to love?
11. Nestle Crunch:Milk chocolate and crunchy rice crispies make Nestle Crunch an old-school favourite that lives up to its name.
10. Pixy Stix:It was so fun to open these tart, sugar-filled sticks and pour them into your mouth while your parents looked on in horror. Sugar rush!
9. Airheads:Chewy and fruity, pulling apart Airheads and devouring them was a blast as a kid. And though all the flavours are excellent, everyone knows White Mystery is the best.
8. Nerds:Sweet, crunchy, and slightly sour, Nerds are shiny little nuggets that usually come in packs with two flavours. Not only is the packaging cool, but the flavours were always perfectly paired.
7. Milky Way:Made of nougat, caramel, and chocolate, Milky Way bars are a sweet, chewy staple in any kid’s Halloween sack. Also excellent frozen.
6. Kit Kats:It’s so satisfying to snap apart Kit Kat bars. The four sections makes them easy to share, but you never did that. These were all for you.
5. Sour Patch Kids:Talk about flavorful — Sour Patch Kids start with a punch of sour, and then become sweet. Everyone has their favourite colour, but we prefer the red and green ones.
4. Butterfinger:A sweet peanut butter-crunch center coated in chocolate. Almost a universal favourite, the only downside of Butterfingers is that the crunchy part can get stuck in your teeth.
3. Twix:The textural contrast between the cookie, caramel, and chocolate is impeccable. Plus, the cookie gives the caramel and chocolate a little added oomph.
2. Snickers:Crunchy, chewy, chocolatey, and sweet, Snickers bars pack a ton of flavour. Plus with roasted peanuts, nougat, caramel, and milk chocolate, they are heartier than your average candy bar.
1. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups:The perfect ratio of chocolate to peanut butter, everyone loves Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. The sweet and salty flavour combo makes this one of America’s favourite treats.
In fairness, we also decided to rank the 15 most disappointing Halloween “treats.” Not only are they despised by kids everywhere, but they are also worth a few “tricks” in retaliation.
15. Butterscotch candies: These are those candies your grandmother always had lying around the house that you wanted to be delicious, but were actually just sickly-sweet hard candies. Devastating.
14. Candy Corn:Candy corn was originally known as
“Chicken feed.”Enough said.
13. Bazooka Bubblegum:Bazooka Bubblegum is great until you’ve chewed it for a full three minutes and suddenly it tastes like cement in your mouth rather than delicious bubble gum. Such a bummer.
12. Flavored Tootsie Rolls:Tootsie Rolls are ok, but flavored Tootsie Rolls are never what you want them to be. They’re waxy and weird-tasting.
11. Necco Wafers:Texture aside, the flavours of these classic candies are truly bizarre — orange, lemon, and lime are all ok, but then there’s also clove, chocolate, cinnamon, licorice, and wintergreen. What?!
10. Sixlets:Chalky-tasting chocolate covered in a candy shell. Not the worst things ever, but these are no M&Ms and are always highly disappointing.
9. Mary Jane Peanut Butter Kisses:These sticky peanut butter taffies are made with molasses and a bit of grainy peanut butter in the center. Everyone avoided these until all the name-brand candy was gone and then ate them out of desperation.
8. Good & Plenty:The oldest branded candy in the U.S., Good & Plenty is licorice in a hard candy shell that tastes like a crunchy, stale Twizzler. Plus, they look like pills.
7. Dots:Not only do these colourful treats barely have any flavour, but it’s impossible to get them un-stuck from your teeth. In terms of gummy candy, Dots are at the bottom of the barrel.
6. Black Jelly Beans:There’s always one lurking in a bag of ordinary and perfectly delicious Jelly Beans. But when it’s a whole bag full of black Jelly Beans, it becomes unacceptable.
5. Circus Peanuts:These peanut-shaped marshmallow candies are dense, chewy, and taste like they went stale sometime in the 19th century. We can all do better.
4. Raisins:Fruit is not candy. It is fruit. And dried fruit in the form of raisins is even worse than fresh fruit.
2. Toothbrush:There’s always that one curmudgeonly dentist in the neighbourhood who’s handing out cheap toothbrushes. We get it! Candy is bad for your teeth! Now give us some.
1. A penny:“Penny candy” is no longer a thing. At least give trick-or-treaters a dollar so they can use it at the nearest vending machine. YOU MONSTER.
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