12 pieces of advice for dealing with a difficult breakup, according to relationship experts

Halfbottle / ShutterstockEverybody needs some relationship advice now and then.

When you go through a breakup, it can feel like everything has come crashing down around you. You might seek out advice from friends, but it doesn’t always do the trick.

The only way to heal from a breakup is giving yourself time. But if you’re struggling to see how things will get better, there are some books from relationship experts that can help you through.

Blinkist gave us 12 of the most-highlighted excerpts from some of the top books about relationships.

Maybe you’re wondering what to do differently next time, or you keep blaming yourself for the breakup. Whatever it is, there’s probably a piece of advice from the list that can help.


Read more: The 10 best pieces of sex and relationship advice from experts


‘Getting Past Your Breakup’ by Susan J. Elliott

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“Think about where you’d like your own life to go. How was your previous relationship holding you back? In what ways would you like to exercise your newly acquired freedom?”


‘How To Fix A Broken Heart’ by Guy Winch

“Others’ lack of understanding is bad for us. It makes us internalize their insensitivity. And means we start judging and shaming ourselves for feeling the way we do.”


‘He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys’ by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

“At the end of the day, men like to get what they want. So, if he’s really into you, you’ll know it, because he’ll actively make an effort to pursue you in order to win you over.”


‘Games People Play’ by Eric Berne

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“People play games with each other every day: complex, often unconscious interactions that hide the true motives and goals of the players. Fuelled by their fear of intimacy, players can remain stuck in games all their lives. But by learning about the many games and their hidden dynamics, we can break free of their bonds and create honest, meaningful human connections.”


‘The All-Or-Nothing Marriage’ by Eli J. Finkel

“Real compatibility requires work on the part of both partners, and it comes down to supporting each other’s goals and having a willingness to sacrifice and make compromises.”


‘The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work’ by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver

“Romance endures when you signal that your spouse is valued during the monotony of daily life.”


‘How to be Alone’ by Sara Maitland

“When you’re alone, you can focus on a deeper understanding of who you are and what matters to you. Only by spending time alone, free of outside influences, can you discover these important parts of yourself.”


‘A General Theory of Love’ by Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini, Richard Lannon

“If the people (usually parents) who influenced the development of our limbic prototypes were, during our childhood, themselves not emotionally developed, nor aware of their own emotional shortcomings, we’ll inherit their emotional problems.”


‘Daring Greatly’ by Brene Brown

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“Talking about our feelings of shame and naming them often diminishes their power. In fact, verbalizing our shame actually makes us resilient to it.”


‘Flow’ by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

“To live an optimal life, try not to be influenced by external rewards or the opinions of others. You can attain enjoyment in life by focusing your attention on every moment, being mindful of your environment and immersing yourself in your interests. Finally, you should never avoid facing difficult challenges, as they can lead to personal growth and achievement.”


‘How to Think More About Sex’ by Alain de Botton

“We too should try to see our subject-the person we’ve chosen as a partner-afresh every day. Once we start doing that, we’ll remind ourselves of why we fell for that person in the first place.”

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