Stuff People Should Stop Doing In A Financial Crisis

recognising the financial calamity faced by the United States, John McCain has decided to “suspend” his job as a presidential candidate until a solution can be worked out. He’s called on Barack Obama to do the same, and wants to cancel the presidential candidates debate scheduled for this Friday.

While we’re tempted to breathe a sigh of relief that we’ll no longer have to go through another day of this crisis without the economic leadership of McCain, we realise we should be following his example. There are dozens of things that need to be suspended in light of this calamity. Here’s five.

First off, we all need to suspend working. McCain is taking time off from the presidential campaign to concentrate on talking with his senate buddies about our economic problems. Let’s all do this! Think of how much strain all our collective economic activity is placing on the system. Suspend work.

Second, we need to suspend the Red Sox. Years ago, long before headlines like “Red Sox clinch playoff spot, Yankees eliminated” were even imaginable, we never had this kind of problem. We should suspend Tampa Bay as well. We’re not sure why but it just seems like the thing to do. Something about Florida real estate.

Third, and we’re serious about this one, we need to suspend the use of money. The easiest way to do this is to stop paying for things. We’ve got a head start on this since so many of us have already stopped paying our mortgages. But we’ve got a long way to go. Just this afternoon we paid for our lunch. Tomorrow it’s time to ditch the check.

Fourth, let’s suspend the smoking ban. This one doesn’t really fit in with the rest of our plans. But it’s like the executive salary cap getting attached to the Hanky-Panky bailout: it’s something we’d like to see anyway, so why not now?

Fifth, let’s suspend business casual. Look how snappy Hank Paulson looked at his meeting with those Senators. That crisp shirt. That blazing orange tie. If only we went ahead and suspended business casual, we could all look as sharp as Hank. And looking sharp is half the battle.

Other possible examples of things to suspend–such as marriage, divorce, pregnancy, education, dating, staying at home and making fun of politicians–spring to mind. What would you suspend? Leave suggestions in the comments.

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