Stephen Colbert Hates The New 'Star Wars' Cast, Says J.J. Abrams Is 'Blowing It'

Stephen Colbert is a big “Star Wars” fan and in his final season on “The Colbert Report,” he wants to make sure you know it.

“I am a huge fan of ‘Star Wars,’ I saw the original movie when I was 13-years-old,” he explained on Tuesday’s show. “Let me tell you, Princess Leia’s firm high buns stirred something in me. So when I heard they were making a new ‘Star Wars’ movie, let’s just say I was the one to shoot first.”

“So far,” Colbert continued, “we know that Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, and Harrison Ford are all confirmed to be in the new movie, which I believe will be titled ‘Episode VII: A New Hip.'”

“Some super fans out there are a little skittish about the relaunch, but the director is my good friend J.J. Abrams, who just released this photo of the very first table read of the new movie.”

“It is so cool to get a glimpse behind-the-scenes, which is why I’m giving a wag of my finger to J.J. Abrams for blowing it!”

“I mean, look at this photo, everything is wrong! Where is the creature design? Every single character is humanoid with two arms and two legs? And those love seats are clearly not canon, those are tatooine battle couches! Have these people even heard of the holocron continuity database? I don’t think so!”

“‘Oh, but Stephen,’ I’m sure he’d say, ‘it’s just one photo’ — cry me a moisture farm, Abrams! Whatever scruffy looking nerfherder released this photo has midichlorian for brains!”

Watch the full, funny clip below:

The Colbert Report

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