In England Soccer Stars Can Sleep With Your Wife, And You Can't Say Anything About It

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World-class Premiership athletes are getting away with world-class scandals thanks to court-ordered privacy, according to The Daily Mail.

Here are just a few of the scandals involving players whose identity will remain secret:

  • A famous, married soccer coach who had an affair with a woman. That woman’s husband wanted to out him.
  • An international star who was named in a “blackmail plot” over a Las Vegas sex orgy filmed on a mobile phone.
  • An English footballer who appears in private cell phone pictures allegedly connected to a “sexual liaison” with a female sports star.
  • Three more world-famous athletes (all with kids) who had affairs with women wanting to go public.

All these athletes have to do to gain a court injunction is prove their primary concern is their marriage, and not their marketability. Otherwise, they’ll suffer the same as former English captain John Terry and Chelsea star Ashley Cole, who unsuccessfully sought privacy for their juicy affairs. 

Obviously, this hurts The Daily Mail, which loves reporting on whatever dirt it can dig on the nation’s biggest celebrities. From the article:

“Lawyers and media experts condemned the controversial decisions to allow stars to keep their identities secret as a victory for the rich and famous who can afford to silence reporting and criticism of their sordid affairs.”

What the Daily Mail fails to mention is the rich and famous scored their big “victory” in a game your average Brit never has to play. After all, his every extra-marital transgression isn’t broadcasted across the world purely to be laughed at and condemned by his fellow common man.

But hopefully the Mail wakes up and realises the unbelievable opportunity this court order has presented them. They can publish their Premier League gossip stories to resemble everybody’s favourite British export: Clue.

Instead of disclosing the identity of the soccer star who “won an injunction banning publication of a group sex incident,” The Daily Mail  dropped enough clues for soccer junkies to narrow down the athlete to just a handful of guys and guess “whodunnit.”

Well, we loved playing that game. And from the looks of it, we’ll get to play again soon.

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