In 2003, Durst went on trial for the murder and dismemberment of his Galveston, TX., neighbour, Morris Black. While many considered the case a “slam dunk” in finally putting Durst behind bars after the murder of his best friend, Susan Berman, and “disappearance” of his wife 21 years prior, Durst’s high-powered defence attorney claimed self-defence and he was acquitted of murder.
Those who had been following the high-profile case went nuts after the verdict, which was covered on every major news outlet.
Even “Saturday Night Live” mocked the shocking verdict.
In a November 13, 2003 “SNL” episode, cast member Fred Armisen played Robert Durst…
…being interviewed by Tony Bennett, played by host Alec Baldwin.
While video of the sketch is not available online, HBO’s “The Jinx” plays a clip from it in episode 5.
Following Durst’s weekend arrest and everyone’s fascination with the case following Sunday’s explosive “The Jinx” finale, the sketch is now more relevant than ever.
Read the funny transcript below:
Tony Bennett: I guess you’re right. I’m glad you’re here anyway. I’d like to bring out my first guest. He’s a millionaire who chopped up his neighbour in their apartment complex. Some people seem to have a beef with that. He just won the big court case so I bet he’s got some pep in his step. Please welcome, Robert Durst. [Creepy white haired dude comes in, sits] Thank you for coming, Robert. You look great. Hey, that’s a real top-notch sport-coat. James Garner, I mean, eat your heart out.
Robert Durst: Oh why, thank you.
Tony Bennett: So how’s it going?
Robert Durst: Well, better now. I was a little scared there for a while.
Tony Bennett: Now, uh, you chopped up your neighbour! Tell us about that.
Robert Durst: Well, he raged at me. And as I was defending myself, I fell and accidentally…chopped him up.
Tony Bennett: Man, that’s outta sight. Now, I’m a pretty laid-back kind of guy. But I’ve had my own gripes with my neighbours over the years. You know, one summer I lived next door to Richie Sambora at Big Bear Lake. And this dude had a tropical bird the size of Chita Rivera that just wouldn’t stop squawking.Robert Durst: Oh, that would wear me out.Tony Bennett: You telling me Robert. Now, what’s the scoop on this first wife of yours that went missing? Did you chop her up too?Robert Durst: I had absolutely nothing to do with that…Tony Bennett: Hey, Robert. hold that thought on the chopping up your missing wife business. I gotta mention one of our sponsors. [holds a maxi-pad package] Stayfree Super Maxi-pads with 4-walls protection. Robert, do you mind? [Robert holds the maxi-pads] In my book, all ladies should look like Angie Dickinson. That’s why its a shame when their monthlies keep them from wearing cream-coloured pantsuits. You know, I once made love to Angie Dickinson for 7 hours! Then a security guard came in and said: “Mr. Bennett, Madame Tussuad’s is closing”.[throws maxi-pads away] Anyway, we’re back with Robert Durst. Now, they also say that you’re something of a cross-dresser.Robert Durst: Well, you know, on occasion. I have dressed in women’s clothing…accidentally, yes.
Tony Bennett: Well, I think its just great when you can put on women’s clothes, have a fight with a neighbour who rages at you, chop him up and then you both just say “uncle”. You know, I still regret not clearing things up with Richie Sambora. Sometimes I think that’s why I have trouble sleeping. In fact, I’ll just call him up right now and try to get the whole thing over with. [picks up phone] Our friends at AT&T will connect me. [phone rings]
Richie Sambora: [over the phone] Yeah? Yeah?
Tony Bennett: Is this Richie Sambora?
Richie Sambora: Yeah, who is this?
Tony Bennett: This is your neighbour, Tony Bennett. I got a beef with your bird.
Richie Sambora: I’m sorry. Who is this?
Tony Bennett: [hangs up] I heard it. He said: “I’m sorry”. That’s what I’ve been waiting for 12 years. A simple apology from Richie Sambora. Isn’t it great, Robert, when it all works out in the end?
Robert Durst: It’s so great. It really is the best…
Tony Bennett: Fat Joe, I’m gonna have to catch you on the flipside. I wanna say thanks to my guests Robert the neighbour chopper, Angie Dickinson, Richie Sambora, those maxi-pads with 4-wall protection and crazy Pat, the rooster sucker!
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