- Professional single women often get criticized for having too high of standards.
- Insider spoke to three women who have been single for years about what they’re looking for in a partner.
- All three said they would rather be single than settle for less than what they deserve.
- Visit Insider’s homepage for more stories.
“Hot vax summer” is winding down, but some single folks are in no rush to find someone to hunker down with for the winter.
Three women who’ve been single for years told Insider they refuse to settle down if it means compromising what they want in a partner.
“My standards are high for a good reason,” Irene Kim, an Insider video producer, said.
A 36-year-old Brooklyn, New York based media professional, who asked to remain anonymous for privacy reasons, told Insider she’s been criticised by men and women alike for her standards.
“My friends do say that I’m picky, but I don’t think that these are picky things, because I’m specific about how I want to live,” she told Insider.
Each single explained how they respond to criticism surrounding their unpartnered status and why they won’t settle for less.
They want equality in a partnership, not another person to take care of
Kim told Insider she has been single for a little over five years, aside from the occasional situationship or fling.
Kim said she tried going on a few dates during the pandemic – one of which took place at an unfortunate dive bar near Penn Station in NYC – but she said none of them really stuck. She said she’s looking for someone who overall has a stable (and ideally high-earning) career and can match the love, care, and luxury her friends shower her with.
“My friends literally spoil me and send me flowers if I’m having a rough week or send me surprises,” Kim said. “I want the same kind of effort from a partner and want to wait to find someone who’s gonna treat me the way the other people in my life do, because I’m going to be really good to them too.”
Like Kim, our Brooklyn-based single told Insider she is looking for a partner who is goal-driven and will share financial and emotional responsibility.
As a professional in the entertainment industry, she said she is looking for a partner who is willing to split chores evenly, a standard she’s received some pushback on.
She said her father “always carried this way about him, where he was just like, ‘Anything your mother can do, I can do.'”
They would rather be single than settle
Rather than settling for less in a partner, the women Insider spoke to said they would rather invest their time in other fulfilling aspects of their life like their careers, education, and friends.
Shanelle Genai, a 27-year-old writer in Orlando, Florida, told Insider her mother instilled a strong sense of self-esteem in her at a young age. Genai said she’s looking for a partner who has tangible life goals and will be an equal.
“Those standards don’t always rub certain men the right way but I strongly believe that is what’s for me,”Genai said. “If it was a problem for them, then we weren’t meant to be in the first place.”
The Brooklyn single told Insider while she’s received criticism from other women about her standards, she takes the feedback with a grain of salt.
“A lot of people like to dish out advice and they’re not even happy in their own situation,” she said. “I don’t believe in just having someone just to have someone. I want to be as happy as possible.”
High standards aren’t what keep people single, an expert said
While high standards get the brunt of the blame for keeping people single, an expert disagrees.
Hafeez said your baseline standards should always reflect your values and desires for a partner in order to find successful relationships.
“You should also ask yourself how you would like to feel with someone,” Hafeez said. “If you want to feel respected, and appreciated, try and find someone who makes you feel that way. Make sure you also know what you don’t want. Know what behaviors and traits you are not interested in, and if you spot them in someone, you may want to move on and find someone else.”