- Heading on a first date can initially be exciting for both parties, but sometimes, it doesn’t always end that way.
- If your date seems to be easily distracted or if the conversations on the date tend to be boring from start to end, this is a sign that you probably won’t be heading on a second date.
- Negative body language, though often ignored, is a telltale sign that your date is not interested in you.
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Meeting someone new can provide a wave of excitement. From setting up the first date to anticipating a second date and wanting to know more about them, first dates can make or break your relationship with that person.
Even if you feel like the date went well, it’s hard to know if they feel it too.
We asked dating experts for their best advice on knowing if someone is just not feeling a second date, besides you know, them saying it.
They are easily distracted
Regardless of if you’ve been dating someone for one year or one day, you always want to feel as if the person you’re with is paying attention to you.
Though the more time you spend with someone, the more comfortable you may become with being on your phone while together, if you’re on a first date, having someone constantly check their phone is not a good sign that this is going to last.
“When your date is easily distracted and finding more interest in what’s going on around them, that should be a clear sign that they’re not that interested in you or a second date,” Andrew Hanson, president of Love Architects and son of celebrity love architect Kailen Rosenberg said. “And though it may seem common to do in almost all settings, this includes checking their phone repeatedly.”
You’ve gone a full day without a follow-up
In the past, one of the biggest stressors after a first date was trying to figure out who was calling who first. Now, however, it’s common to get a text thanking the person for a great time right after you leave or first thing the next morning. And if you’re lucky, you’ll even get a call.
If you haven’t experienced either one of these over the course of the next day post date, however, you may not be getting one at all.
“If your new date hasn’t reached out within 24 hours, you may want to let go of the thought that there will be a second date,” said Hanson. “When they’re into you, there’s always a sense of excitement and urgency to let you know.”
Your conversation has grown dull
When you’re meeting someone for a first date, you usually have plenty of ground to cover for conversation. Though short bouts of quiet moments are totally normal, if you’ve spent more time staring down at your plate or phone than talking to the person sitting across from you, this potential relationship is going nowhere – fast.
“When the conversation is no longer intriguing on any level, and – sadly – almost exhaustive, this is the end of an almost-love story,” Hanson told INSIDER. “Intrigue from conversation derives from a nice state of curiosity and attention. These two pieces, however, will no longer be there due to indifference and a lack of true compatibility.”
There is no enthusiasm on the first date
If you’ve met your date with a welcoming sense of anxiousness and anticipation only to have them supply you with disinterest, you might want to prepare yourself for this being your one-and-only date with them, Hanson said.
The vibe isn’t sincere
When your vibe with someone is real, flirtation – on both parts – will come easy and will be welcomed with open arms. On the other hand, if flirting feels as if it’s being forced or if you become grossed out when your date tries to flirt with you, that’s a good sign that this should be your first and last date together.
“Any vibe that shows a lack of sincere flirtation or excitement to connect again is a telltale sign that a second date isn’t in the cards,” Hanson said.
“It’s quite plausible to create an indirect game plan for what a woman or man wants to do on the next date with phrases like ‘we should do that on the next date’ or ‘I would love to do that soon.’ It can even come off more simple to put your hand on their hand or laugh while leaning in. Simplicity in flirtation goes a long way on its own.”
Their body language says it all
Paying attention to someone’s body language can tell you a lot about them. From the way that they stand to the way that they fold their arms, you can tell whether or not a person is comfortable around you. And, in the case of first dates, body language can be a subtle indicator on whether you two will see one another again for a second date.
“If the person is physically turning away, leaning back, or has lack of eye contact, this may imply they are not interested in meeting up again,” Elena Murzello – dating and relationship expert and author of “The Love List: A guide to getting who you want” – told INSIDER.
“They are too kind to cut the date short, but will probably do it later when you are trying to make plans for another time. There is also withdraw from obvious affection; dodging a kiss, pulling their hand away if you try to hold it, or moving away if you try to embrace them.”
There’s no talk about long-term dating you or anyone else in their future plans
During the first date, one common question is “what are you looking for?”
When your date gives their answer and there’s no mention of you or a partner at all, however, this could be because they don’t anticipate dating you after your first date, Murzello told INSIDER.
“It may seem obvious, but paying attention to the way someone is laying their future groundwork can indicate that they don’t want a second date,” she said. “It can be an obvious sign that your ‘love lists’ – what you are looking for in a potential partner – are a mismatch.”
They simply don’t mention a second date
One of the easiest and often ignored ways to know if someone wants to see you after your first date together is if they mention it. If someone is interested in you, they won’t beat around the bush or try to confuse you.
“The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The third rule of Fight Club is … you get it, right? In the same way, the most revealing sign that your date does not want a second date is that they do not talk about it,” celebrity matchmaker and relationship expert Bonnie Winston told INSIDER.
“Most people that like one another mention that they want to see each other again or even ask their date out before the date is over.”
Their response to your follow-up is very dry
If you’ve gotten past the initial “who’s going to reach out to who first?” issue and decided to just go for it, the way that your date responds can say a lot about their level of interest in you.
“If you follow up after a date saying you had a great time, most people hope to be met with the same enthusiasm,” said Winston. “If you get a monosyllabic answer such as ‘thanks’ or a thumbs up emoji sign instead of a heart or kiss emoji, however, you just may have been the only person that enjoyed the night before.”
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