- Sometimes your partner may be dropping hints that they’re unhappy in a relationship and would like to break up or go on a break.
- If you feel like your partner treats spending time with you as a chore or no longer tells you details about their life, they may no longer feel close to you.
- In some cases, if your partner is avoiding making long-term plans and is finding the negatives in your shared happy memories, you may want to have an honest discussion about how they’re feeling and what’s going on with your relationship.
- Above all, if you’re unsure of your relationship, have an open and honest discussion with your partner about it.
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Breakups can be really difficult, but sometimes you can see them coming.
In some cases, your partner could be dropping subtle or obvious hints that there’s an issue in your relationship, which may or may not be worth working through.
Keep in mind that these signs don’t necessarily mean a breakup is coming, but they could mean that your partner is feeling unsettled in your current relationship. Above all, the best way to figure out where your relationship stands is to have an open, honest discussion with your partner.
Here are some signs your partner may be planning to end your relationship:
If your partner is selectively telling you information, they may not feel connected to you.
If your partner isn’t feeling close to or connected with you, they may not share information in the same way, and conversations with them may feel different and more distant than usual.
“When your partner is not interested in telling you about important life events, the intimacy begins to fade,” Kia James, a licensed therapist, told Insider. “The less they share about their life, the more the wall begins to divide the two of you.”
Rather than pretending that everything is fine, James suggested that you bring up how you feel and consider planning some activities that can help you two bond.
“You should not ignore the distance,” James said. “Tell your partner that you miss the connection between the two of you. Say you would like to work on and improve the relationship.”
If they hesitate when you try to make plans in advance or discuss the future, they may not be ready to commit to you.
If your partner was once OK with talking about your future and making long-term plans but no longer seems comfortable doing so, it could be a sign they see the end of this relationship.
Kristie Overstreet, a licensed counselor and psychotherapist, told Insider that this can be a sign that a breakup is looming, but it’s important to talk to your partner about your concerns before you assume anything.
“It’s important to not jump to conclusions and react without talking with your partner first,” Overstreet said. “There may be other factors that are leading to these red flags.”
In some cases, they could just feel nervous about the future or be dealing with some of their own issues.
If your future plans don’t line up — for example, they say that marriage isn’t for them, but it is for you — you may be headed in different directions.
“If your partner says that they don’t want marriage, listen to what they are saying,” Stefanie Safran, a matchmaker and owner of Stef and the City, told Insider. “Just to assume that because their family likes you, you’ve dated for years, or you move in together, does not mean they are looking for something permanent.”
For example, if you know that you want to be married someday and your partner tells you that it’s a no-go for them, you’ll be better off in the long-run if you believe what they’re telling you.
Above all, Safran said, don’t think that you’ll be able to change their mind or that the problem will go away if you just ignore that it’s there.
If you feel like your partner views spending time with you as a chore, they may be losing interest in your relationship.
At the beginning of a relationship, it’s not all that uncommon for couples to spend an awful lot of time together, but that typically tapers off a bit as you settle into your relationship and into a routine.
It’s healthy for couples to spend time apart, but if your partner seems to be treating spending time with you as more of a chore than anything else, it’s not a great sign.
“It’s important for each partner to have boundaries and spend time with friends and family, but if you feel like you’re just one more person on their list of people to spend time with, it’s worth addressing your concerns,” Julie Williamson, a therapist and owner of Abundant Life Counseling St. Louis, told Insider.
She explained that it’s important partners have equal levels of commitment, and if you don’t feel that is the case you may not be able to trust in your relationship.
“You want to know that you and your partner can equally rely on each other to be each other’s main person, the one you go to when you need comfort or support of some kind,” she added.
She said if you notice your partner pulling away or not making you a priority, you should have an open conversation about it.
If you feel it in your gut that things aren’t quite right between you and your partner, you may be onto something.
Toni Coleman, a psychotherapist, relationship coach, and divorce mediator, told Insider that if you feel as though things are off or have changed, but you can’t figure out why, it’s worth having a conversation with your partner to find out what’s going on.
“Even if they become quiet, or get angry or distant – this is information,” Coleman said. “It means they are feeling defensive and uncomfortable with the topic, often because they are avoiding dealing with your upset and hurt feelings and any conflict they could lead to.”
If your partner doesn’t seem present when you’re with them, they may have lost interest.
If your partner seems somewhere else mentally and emotionally when you two are spending time together, Overstreet said, your relationship might be winding down.
“You should ask your partner about their behaviour,” Overstreet told Insider. “Always use ‘I’ statements and don’t come across as whiny or blaming. Let them know that you want to better understand their actions. Ask them directly if they are pulling away or don’t want to be in a relationship.”
Overstreet said that if you feel like you have to convince your partner that they want to be in the relationship, you should let it go.
It’s normal for a couple’s sex life to change throughout a healthy relationship, but sometimes it can precede a breakup.
Couples go through ebbs, flows, and changes over the course of a relationship and this doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re headed for a breakup. But, Coleman said, a change in a couple’s sex life can happen shortly before a relationship ends.
“Any change in level of interest, desire to connect, and overall attraction says that someone is not as into you as they were,” Coleman told Insider, adding that this could happen for a period of time before a breakup.
It’s not a good sign if you notice you’ve been receiving more criticism than compliments from your partner.
Alisha Powell, a couples therapist, told Insider that your relationship may be struggling if your partner is starting to “criticise you more than they compliment you” and there’s a lack of niceties in your typical conversations.
If your partner can’t pay you any compliments or even be very nice to you, that’s likely an indicator that the relationship might not last much longer.
In many cases, if you feel as though your partner is not treating you well, you may want to consider ending the relationship or speaking to a trusted professional.
If your partner constantly sees the negatives in formerly happy memories, they may be questioning your relationship or struggling with something else.
If your partner speaks negatively about memories that you both used to consider to be happy ones, that’s a potential sign that something is wrong, Jess O’Reilly, a relationship expert and advice columnist, told Insider.
If they look back on your joyful, shared memories and can only talk about little things that went wrong – or that they perceived to have gone wrong – you may want to have a discussion as to why.
Sometimes the reasoning has nothing to do with you and your partner may just need extra support or be dealing with an issue they haven’t yet spoken about.
If you never fight or argue anymore, your partner may have become apathetic in your relationship.
Couples don’t agree on everything all of the time, and it’s normal to have occasional disagreements and even small arguments.
But if your partner no longer sees the point in hashing things out, that could be because they know that the relationship isn’t going to last, O’Reilly said.