- Casually dating at first can lead to a relationship – but not always.
- You and the person you are dating might not be on the same level of what they want from dating.
- These are the signs that there might not be a serious relationship with this person in your future.
Dating is hard, but it can get even more complicated if you’ve been seeing someone for a while and can’t tell if they want to take things to the next level. Even if you know what you want, it doesn’t mean that it necessarily matches what the person you’re dating wants … despite the amazing chemistry you might share.
But if the person you’re dating doesn’t want a serious relationship, it’s important to figure that out early on, rather than wasting more time with someone who isn’t looking for the same things you are from a partner. It’s always painful to break things off, but if you and the person you’re seeing don’t have a future together, it’s probably best to move on as soon as possible.
Wondering if the person you’re dating might not be in it for the long haul? Read on for signs that a serious relationship may not be in the cards.
They don’t make you a priority.
It can be a major sign that something isn’t right if you don’t see yourself coming first with the person you’re dating – especially when they’re making plans or breaking promises.
“If they tell you they are going to call you and never call you, if they make plans with you and cancel and have chronic excuses,” social worker Danielle Forshee told Elite Daily.
They aren’t interested in your life outside of the relationship.
“If the person is not inquiring about your life or is not trying to get to know you by asking questions,” Forshee told the site. “They [don’t] integrate you into their daily life or talk to you about their day or integrate you into their life in general.”
Building a lasting bond with someone means having an interest in your life. If you find yourself giving that to them without receiving the same in return, it could mean that they aren’t as invested in the relationship as you are, in which case it’s easier to end things sooner rather than later.
You’ve been dating for a long time without putting a label on it.
For some people, labels are important, but others aren’t concerned – and if it works for you, that’s ok. But if you’ve had the talk about “where is this going?” and haven’t gotten an answer that involves being exclusive or a new level of commitment, you might want to reevaluate.
“Every relationship – no matter how easy-going – comes with rules,” Dr. Anna Machin told BBC. “If you don’t want to put labels on it then you need to make sure you’re both on the same page about what that actually means.”
They don’t share photos of the two of you on social media.
Of course, some people simply don’t like to share too many private parts of their lives online, but if that’s the case, you’ll be able to tell from the start. If the person you’re dating is sharing everything but you on their social media accounts, you might want to rethink things, since this could be a sign that they’re dating other people.
You haven’t met their family or friends.
“People who want to build a future together blend their lives – they don’t keep them separated,” Eliza Boquin, the owner of The Relationship & Sexual Wellness Center, told Bustle. “It may be a sign that they’re either hiding something, or they just don’t see a future with you.”
And in either instance, that’s not a good situation.
They’re still dating other people.
If your end goal is monogamy, there’s going to be a part where you stop casually dating and make things exclusive. But if you’ve been seeing each other for a while and you know that they’re still dating other people, that means they’re keeping their options open. If that’s not OK with you, it’s time to cut them loose.
They’re “breadcrumbing” you.
You might be unfamiliar with the term “breadcrumbing,” but if it’s happening to you, you’ll know that it feels a lot like being led on.
“Breadcrumbing means he’s leading you on by feeding crumbs of affection that never lead to anything,” relationship expert Tracey Cox wrote in an article for Daily Mail.“This is the guy who pops up on social media telling you how hot you are; he likes all of your posts, pops up to ask how your day is going, (if you’re lucky) he’ll even phone now and then. But that’s as far as it goes.”
Conversation remains on a surface level — on their side, anyway.
Is the person you’re dating there for you in the good times, but in no rush to be there for you when you’re sad? That can be a definite red flag that they’re not in it for the long haul – especially if you’ve noticed that they also don’t ask personal questions about your life, your family, or your job.
“When a dating partner acts as if you are merely a convenience – they’re clearly showing that they’re not very serious,”Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a clinical psychologist, and author previously told INSIDER.
Their dating profile hasn’t been taken down.
If you’ve stopped going on dates but theirs is still live, that can be a sign that they’re still browsing to find out what other fish are in the sea, and that could mean it’s time to cut and run.
“I don’t go to Amazon to browse books. I go there to buy. I don’t go to the gym to not work out. I go there to swim,” dating expert Evan Marc Katz wrote in his blog. “There is simply no viable, reasonable, acceptable response he can make – even if, somehow, he has not met ANY new women since ‘committing’ to you.”
They’re still obsessed with their ex.
It’s never a good sign when you notice that the person you’re dating is still talking about their ex, because that usually means that they’re not over that past relationship and that they probably aren’t in a good place to build a new one with you.
“While this person might be available in the future, be cautious of falling in love with someone who isn’t fully ready to participate in a new relationship,” love and dating coach Chelli Pumphrey told MeetMindful. “You run the risk of them returning to an ex, or to having a nice rebound fling with you until they heal and get clear on the fact that they actually don’t want a relationship.”
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