- Trust is an important part of a relationship.
- April Masini, a relationship columnist and expert, talks to INSIDER about the most common signs that your partner doesn’t trust you.
- This can show itself in how they interact with their friends.
- If they look through your phone, this is another possible sign.
Some of the most common advice people give in order to maintain a healthy relationship is good communication, sexual chemistry, and, of course, trust. We all hear how important trust is in relationships, but if something happened in the past where you were betrayed, it can be hard to let that go of those worries and fears.
How can you really decipher between your significant others having a slight amount of jealousy and crossing the line? INSIDER spoke with relationship columnist and expert, April Masini, to find out the telltale signs that your partner doesn’t trust you.
They snoop through your phone.
If you walk into the room and see your partner swiping through your phone, that’s a big red flag, according to Masini.
“If your partner doesn’t trust you, the first place they’re going to go is your cell phone to see who you’re calling and texting, who’s calling and texting you, and what you’re texting other people,” said Masini. “Cell phones have become ground zero for betrayal, so if you or your partner are having trust issues, you’ll see signs of those problems when you or your partner snoop to check each other’s phones.”
They’re asking you the same questions over and over again.
If things are getting a little repetitive and your partner is seeking reassurance for questions you’ve already answered, they might be testing you to see if you switch up your response.
“If your partner asks you something and then asks again the next day, and the same question again, later, it’s not because they forgot. It’s because they don’t trust your answer,” explained Masini. “When your partner is suspicious, they’re going to ask over and over and over again.”
They’re checking your wallet for receipts.
If your significant other is flipping through your receipts, chances are it’s not just to see what you ordered for dinner.
“If your partner doesn’t trust you, they’re going to look for evidence of their worst suspicions,” said Masini. “For instance, they will look for credit card statements and receipts that might show hotel stays, restaurant visits, and gift charges – for people other than you. They may even be looking for secret credit card accounts that you may be keeping from them.”
The flame dies out in the bedroom.
According to Masini, if your partner doesn’t trust you, they probably won’t feel like being intimate with you – “good sex requires trust.”
Of course, there are a million reasons why things may not be going well in your sex life, which is where good communication comes in.
They become very accusatory.
If someone doesn’t trust you they might start accusing you of things that they fear you’ll do to them, even if they don’t have any evidence of you doing it.
“When your partner doesn’t trust you, they will start accusing you of behaviour you may not even be guilty of,” explained Masini. “They’re grasping at straws to see if their worst fears are true, by accusing you of what they suspect you of. If these seemingly weird accusations start coming, understand that this is your partner trying to protect him or herself by preempting any discovery of betrayal by pointing fingers and trying to force you to come out with a truth that will make them right. Stay clear, and stay honest.”
They’re hanging out with people who encourage their fears.
According to Masini, if your partner starts suddenly hanging around with friends who have been betrayed, and they seem to be forming a club or support group, this can mean trouble. “Some partners are not direct when they feel that they’re not trusted. So, they act in a passive-aggressive manner and find support for their fears, in friends who have the same fears in their own relationships.”
Though it can certainly be important for your partner to have support from their friends, especially those who have gone through similar experiences they have, if their friends seem to be stoking their fears more than helping them, it may be worth a conversation.
Your partner begins to shut you out.
Being vulnerable with someone and being able to share your deepest feelings with them is just one of the many amazing benefits of a healthy relationship. But someone who doesn’t trust you may not feel comfortable doing so.
“If your partner doesn’t want to share vulnerable parts of his or her life, it’s because he or she does not feel safe with you,” said Masini. “They have stopped trusting you and this closing ranks around one’s emotions is a way to self-protect from someone who is not trustworthy. Is this happening to you?” asks Masini. “It’s probably because your partner doesn’t trust you.”
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