8 signs your partner is lying to you

Zackary Drucker/The Gender Spectrum CollectionWhat’s really happening?
  • If your partner accuses you of lying or says that they never lie, they might not be telling the truth.
  • Avoiding eye contact if they usually make it could mean they’re hiding something.
  • If people tell you that your partner is lying to you, it’s worth talking to them about it.
  • Visit INSIDER’s homepage for more.

While everybody tells little white lies from time to time, some forms of deception are more serious than others in romantic relationships.

INSIDER asked both relationship experts and a behavioural analysis interrogator about how to tell when your partner isn’t being honest with you.

Here are eight signs that your partner might not be telling the truth.

They’re acting differently

Lie detection is predicated on a baseline – the way someone normally behaves. Deviations from that baseline indicate that a person is under stress, possibly because they’re being deceptive.

Maybe they’re bowing out of plans more often, or acting more distant lately. Maybe they’re overloading you with affection in a way that seems odd. Whatever it is, if you notice that your partner is acting different, that can be a sign that something is up.

“Look for changes in behaviour,” said Rachel Sussman, a relationship expert and marriage counselor in New York City. “That always means something.”

Phone callanyaberkut/ iStockDoes their social media tell a different story?

Their social media posts contradict what they’re telling you

If your partner told you that they were going to be one place, but show up on Instagram somewhere else, their plans could have changed – or they weren’t honest about their plans in the first place.

“I’ve definitely heard those stories,” said Sussman. “I’ve heard that one person says they’re somewhere and then one of their friends that they’re supposed to be with posts that they’re not there.”

Sussman also recommends that couples establish social media rules to avoid hurt feelings.

They say they never lie

If somebody says they don’t lie, they’re lying,” Roger Strecker, a behavioural analysis interrogator with 32 years of experience in law enforcement, previously told INSIDER.

Everyone tells little white lies from time to time, and sometimes these little lies are OK, but Sussman distinguishes between small fibs and outright dishonesty. If getting caught in a lie wouldn’t have serious consequences, it’s usually ok to stretch the truth.

They say “I didn’t do it”

The words that your partner uses can signal whether or not they’re telling the truth. If you suspect them of doing something and they say “I didn’t do it,” there’s a chance that they could be lying.

“A truthful person is more likely to say ‘I did not do it,’ versus a person that’s lying will shorten the syntax and say ‘I didn’t do it,'” Strecker previously told INSIDER.

They don’t make eye contact

Many supposed tell-tale signs of lying have been debunked by science, but some hold true. Sussman said that not making eye contact can mean that your partner has something to hide.

“If someone who normally has eye contact isn’t having eye contact with you when you’re asking them about something, that’s a sign [that they could be lying],” she said.

They lean away from you

Strecker also previously told INSIDER that people who lie unconsciously lean away from the person they’re speaking with to create psychological distance.

They accuse you of lying

Accusing you of lying or cheating could be your partner’s way of trying to justify their own actions, and pinning the blame on you.

“When your partner has the capacity to do something like cheat, lie, or steal they will assume you might be doing the same,” relationship coach and author Jackie Viramontez previously told INSIDER.

Someone else is telling you that your partner is lying

It’s hard to hear from others that your partner isn’t the person you thought they were. You might even be tempted to ignore people who say they saw something fishy, like your partner getting too cosy with someone else.

If it’s just one person’s suspicions, take them with a grain of salt. But if multiple people share their concerns or present you with concrete evidence, it’s time to talk to your partner.

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