10 signs your long-distance relationship isn’t working

Long-distance relationships aren’t easy. NBC

Long-distance relationships can be wonderful, but they can also be difficult. When it comes to long-distance love, it isn’t always built to last.

All in all, the best way to determine where your long-distance relationship stands is by having an honest conversation with your partner. But, there are some subtle signs that could help you to determine if you have a strong long-distance relationship..

Here are 10 signs that your long-distance relationship might not be working.

They make excuses to not communicate.

If they always make excuses for why they can’t video chat, it could be cause for concern. HBO

Healthy relationships usually consist of a lot of communication. According to Elena Murzello, dating and relationship expert and author of “The Love List: A guide to getting who you want,” if your “communicate no matter what” philosophy has vanished, your relationship may be in trouble.

“If your partner has too many reasons why they can’t communicate, this should be a red flag,” Murzello told INSIDER. “This could include running errands, catching up on a sitcom, picking up extra shifts at work; basically finding a reason to keep from making contact with you.”

Your relationship feels different.

If the way they act is different, it could be a sign of something deeper. WAYHOME studio / Shutterstock

Whether you’ve been dating for two months or two years, you’ve likely picked up on some of your partner’s characteristics and personality traits. These also include how they typically treat you and act toward you. So, if things aren’t feeling the same, this could be a red flag, Murzello told INSIDER.

“When communication has become few and far between, this should be a concern,” she said. “If you feel like they are pulling away, trust your gut. They usually are.”

They’re never available.

If they keep putting you on the backburner, it’s a red flag. Shutterstock

Depending on your relationship, you may be used to talking to your partner 24/7. If chat time with your partner has rapidly ceased or even decreased, there’s a chance your relationship might have some problems.

“If you’re calling him or her and they never answer or always call you back later, this is a telltale sign that your relationship has a few issues,” Gayle Johns-Carter, professional life coach and founder of Coaching Your Life’s Goals, told INSIDER.

According to Johns-Carter, this is understandable if it happens from time to time, but it shouldn’t be a constant issue.

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You’ve stopped scheduling time to see one another.

If you never make plans to meet up, it’s a red flag. Shutterstock

Being in a long-distance relationship means that you probably don’t spend as much time with your partner as you’d like. So, if you have stopped trying to make an effort to see one another, things might be coming to an end.

“When your partner never makes time to meet up with you, you should be concerned,” Johns-Carter told INSIDER. “If there’s always an excuse for why they can’t meet up for weekends or even for a few minutes if you have a quick stop in town, this is a red flag.”

You don’t know where they live.

You should probably know their apartment building. Flickr/pasa

Even if your partner lives on a totally different coast with three roommates, knowing their address shouldn’t be an issue. If it is, according to Johns-Carter, they could be hiding something.

“If you don’t have your partner’s home address, this should be a serious red flag,” she said. “This should never be a secret.”

You don’t know any of their family or close friends.

If you haven’t met any of their friends or family, it could be a bad sign. IMDb/Warner Bros.

Being in a relationship typically means knowing the most intimate parts of your partner – and that includes knowing those closest to them.

“When you’ve never met any family or friends, your long-distance relationship may not even be real,” Johns-Carter told INSIDER “With all of the technology out there now, you should have at least met one family member or friend – even if it’s through social media and not face to face.”

You don’t talk to them on a daily basis.

If days go by without communication, it could be a red flag. Maridav/Shutterstock

In most relationships, daily communication is important. So, if the daily communication has decreased to every other day or once a week, it may be time to figure out if this relationship is really working for you.

“If you’re used to talking to your partner daily and days have started to go by without any communication at all, you’re at risk of it ending,” Johns-Carter told INSIDER. “This behaviour means it is time to reassess your priorities and expectations in your relationship.”

Read More: 10 signs someone is about to break up with you

They have started leaving you out of their plans.

If your partner has begun excluding you from future plans, it could be a major red flag.

“It’s important for each partner to have boundaries and spend time with friends and family, but if you feel like you’re just one more person on their list of people to spend time with, it’s worth addressing your concerns,” Julie Williamson, LPC, NCC, RPT, a therapist and owner of Abundant Life Counseling St. Louis, previously told INSIDER.

From heading out of town to going to a festival, once they have started to leave you out of their big plans, there could be a deeper issue in your relationship

They’re more or less affectionate than usual.

Either could be a red flag. Shutterstock

Since you know your partner and the level of affection they typically give you both over the phone and in person, a major shift in that could be a red flag.

“Any change in level of interest, desire to connect, and overall attraction says that someone is not as into you as they were,” Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC, a psychotherapist, relationship coach, and divorce mediator previously told INSIDER. “Often this is what happens for a time before they break it off.”

In this case, it could be worth having a conversation with your partner about the changes in your relationship.

They aren’t excited to hear your good news anymore.

If they’re not excited for you, it could be a red flag. NBC

In relationships, good news for one is good news for both. So, if it’s gotten to the point that your partner is no longer celebrating your accomplishments, you’re looking at a potential sign that your relationship isn’t as healthy as you think.

“A person who can authentically be excited about your success and goals in life is someone who won’t feel the need to hold you back,” Shannon Thomas, therapist and author of “Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse,” told The Independent.

If they can’t authentically be excited for you, it could be a red flag.

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