- In any relationship, couples argue, but what they argue about will differ from couple to couple.
- Some subjects become recurring fights, such as how one person spends too much money or how one is too messy.
- Here, 10 people share what they argue about most in their relationships.
Toni Coleman, a psychotherapist, relationship coach, and divorce mediator, told Business Insider that it’s common for couples to come into counseling with the primary underlying complaint being a problem with communication.
“This often takes the form of recurring fights that repeat the same dysfunctional dynamics in a seemingly endless loop,” she said. “The first thing I emphasise is the need to approach their communication in a different way.”
Coleman said that she emphasises “a need for compromise, which means that no one wins unless both win.”
Her solution is for couples to practice reflective listening, where each person is allowed to share their thoughts and feelings uninterrupted, and the other then reflects back what they have heard. “This leads to a much greater understanding of one another – without defensiveness – and an increased willingness to work together and be supportive of one another’s needs,” Coleman said.
On the topic of recurring fights, here 10 people share what they argue about most with their significant others.
Simple: Money. Whether it’s about what I spend from my personal bank account or what I spend from our joint one, money seems to be a constant topic of conversation between me and my husband.
We even have a meeting with a financial planner and a therapist soon, because I’d rather we get professional opinions. I think a lot of it comes down to how we were raised: My parents were more lax in spending, although they taught me how to save money, too, but his were very, very frugal, so he takes penny-pinching to an extreme.
My long-term boyfriend and I live together and fight the most over housework. While he’d prefer to live in a mess, I feel it’s important to clean up right after said mess is made.
We’ve tried a chore calendar and even a weekly maid, which was a complete waste of money, but every idea falls to the wayside, and I don’t feel it’s my job to constantly clean up after him.
I married a Republican, but not a Trump supporter. We don’t see eye-to-eye on any political topics. I’ve learned to not bring up anything.
I make six figures as an attorney, but my wife feels that every moment I spend on promoting my latest book is a wasted effort. To date, I’ve written 10 novels and even received local awards for some of them.
For instance, I recently spent $US1,000 on professional editing for the latest one, and that was an issue.
I always drive when my wife is in the car – not out of some sexist prerogative, but she drives a ton for work, so I like to give her a break. Problem is, from the moment she gets in the car, she is on her phone– surfing, not talking – so it’s just quiet except for NPR and classic rock.
Normally, it’s fine. But when you drive for an hour from one location to the next, and she doesn’t say a single word, a man can get kind of snippy.
We do see each other a few times a week, but a lot of those times, it’s with friends or watching football, which isn’t the same since he seems distracted by either friends or the game.
I often feel like my husband’s accountant. When I say he’s reckless with money, he’s reckless with money, and it’s a constant argument.
I try to stick to a budget for everything from groceries to entertainment costs, like going to the movies. But he just spends willy-nilly and then I’m digging receipts out of his pocket or car seats, trying to rebalance our budget. My advice? Know your partner’s spending habits before you tie the knot!
My boyfriend and I have different sex drives. He tends to work late, then comes home tired or passes out on the couch after dinner, and I feel like a neglected housewife who’s been with him for decades.
But I’m still fairly young, so this dynamic worries me. Our sex life is probably just part of some underlying issues our relationship has overall, and I’ve gotten tired of bringing it up and fighting about it.
My girlfriend rarely apologizes, and it really bothers me, so much so that I’ve threatened to break up with her if she doesn’t start to take responsibility for her actions.
None of us are perfect and I gladly apologise if and when I mess up, but it’s really an issue for her and tough for people like me on the receiving – um, non-receiving – end of things.
My husband is addicted to his phone and it’s a never-ending battle: me versus his phone. Sometimes, I feel he doesn’t even know I’m in the room, because he’s so glued to what people on Instagram or Twitter are saying instead.
You know how more and more people are limiting the use of electronics with their kids? I think couples should do the same thing. My husband, and people in general, have all day to be on their phones, but when you’re home with me, focus on me. Why is that so much to ask?
Business Insider Emails & Alerts
Site highlights each day to your inbox.