Ralph Nader Imagines A Fictional Paradise Run By Ted Turner And Friends

Ralph Nader doesn’t want you to call his new book, Only the Super-Rich Can Save Us!, a novel.

According to the New Yorker’s Raffi Khatchadourian, he prefers to think of it as “a fictional vision that could become a new reality.”

In this new reality, millionaires and billionaires will save the world and bring about a new utopia by enacting Nader’s political agenda. Think of it as the photographic negative of Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged, in which wealthy industrialists go on strike against a meddling government.

The heroes who bring about Nader’s “practical utopia” include: Barnes & Noble’s Leonard Riggio, who becomes an anti-corporate activist; Warren Beatty, who trounces Arnold Schwarzenegger to become governor of California (no term limits in utopia?); and Price Club founder Sol Price, champion of hemp and pro-union zealot.

Things aren’t easy in the book for the virtuously wealthy, however. They are opposed at every turn by the evil scheming of Grover Norquist. Norquist — famous for going to work at his DC-based Citizens for Tax Reform with a sticker proclaiming “I’d rather be killing commies” on his briefcase — might seem beyond parody, but Nader’s character — Brovar Dortwist! — is up to the challenge.

The real-life super-rich were mostly happy to appear in the book, Khatchadourian writes. Ted Turner sent a thank-you note. Norquist was pleased with his role, but wasn’t so sure about the name ‘Brovar Dortwist’. Yoko Ono was honored, but had a pressing question for the perennial presidential candidate about her character:

“Does she look like a tiny dragon?”

Photo courtesy of soundfromwayout

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