The above ad is not a parody: Purity Bear is back and ready to keep your hymen intact.
In case you missed the Purity Bear’s launch last month, students at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Va., posted a bizarre homemade PSA that starred a monotone plush bear warning a teenage boy to stay out of his temptress girlfriend’s parent-free house. (“I know she’s cuddly. Look at me, I’m cuddly.”)
Well, in honour of the Day of Purity—you know, that other holiday that falls on Feb. 14 which you ignored while fornicating yourself into Hades last night—a second Purity Bear PSA was posted yesterday.
The ad, titled “Dinner Date,” stars another young couple on the brink of sin. The adorably bland duo is ending their “perfect” evening when the blonde’s horndog boyfriend announces: “Well you know, it doesn’t have to end tonight. I love you, don’t you love me?”
Just as he leans in for the kiss—enter Purity Bear! This time she’s female, and her accent borders on a sassy, racist stereotype: “Girl, I know he say he loves you—he loves pizza too, but then he dumps the box when he’s done with it.”
Feminist blog Jezebel posed some legitimate questions:
First, why does the bear suddenly a Sassy Black Girl Friend? Are we to assume that the purity bear appears to us in a very specific, individual form like a Patronus? How would my Purity Bear sound? And why haven’t I ever seen my personal Purity Bear? Did someone run my Purity Bear over with a garbage truck? Did my Purity Bear die of a broken heart?
The PSA ends with some absurd “statistics,” including the “fact” that young men who have premarital sex are three times as likely to experience chronic depression.
Considering that as of 2006 the Guttmacher Institute reported that 95 per cent of the population had sex before marriage, we find that data a little hard to believe.
My Purity Bear was not available for comment.
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