It’s holiday office party season!
That being said, you really don’t want to mess up this year, especially right ahead of bonus season.
At Clusterstock we’re here to help you get through the night without being “that guy” or “that girl” at your Wall Street office party.
You can control how you behave, but you can’t really help what other people do.
That’s why we think you should avoid these 13 people. (A big thanks to our friend and former colleague Ash Bennington who helped with this list)
- Avoid the guy who wants to do shots. Nothing good comes of doing shots. Ever.
- Avoid anyone who’s “not drinking tonight.” (Some people don’t drink. That’s totally cool) But when someone is “not drinking tonight” stay away. Seriously, who picks a holiday as a night to lay off the booze?
- Avoid the girl who cries. Always. It doesn’t matter why.
- Avoid your managing director’s wife. Ladies, don’t go to the bathroom with her. (See here.)
- Avoid that group who races to and from the bathroom with the cohesion and espirit de corps of a military unit–You don’t what to be associated with whatever they’re doing.
- Avoid the dude who stands at the buffet gorging himself on crustaceans — chewing a busted crab leg saying, “Dude, did you see these man? Seriously, man, did you see these?” (There’s one in every crowd).
- Avoid the married guy who drinks and flirts with other women — in front of his wife.
- Avoid the fighting couple. (a.k.a. “You always get this way when you’re drunk.”)
- Avoid the guy who gets so sweaty on the dance floor that he ties his suit coat around his waste like it’s seventh grade field day. (If he ties his necktie around his head like it’s the eighth grade dance it’s time to leave the party.)
- Avoid the guy who’s “running the after-party” in his suite at the Marriott.
- Avoid the guy who tells you that front office people like you would be lost without back office people to do all the real work. (Like you haven’t heard this line before)
- Avoid the group heading to “one more bar” at 5 a.m. at an after-hours place in a basement. In Queens.
- Avoid the sick co-worker who still decided to drag himself or herself out to the party. You really, really don’t want that stuff.
Most importantly, have a good night!