People Magazine Publishes Report Kirk Douglas Died Two Months Ago, Which Is News To The Still Alive Actor

Legendary actor Kirk Douglas already knows how his death will be reported, because People magazine is already reporting it.

Confirming the worst-kept secret in publishing, People has been hosting its pre-written obituary for Douglas, 97, since late September. Look:

Picture: People

Reader “RL” pointed the obit out to Uproxx. Here’s a few choice excerpts you – and maybe Douglas, if he’s in the mood – can read before it gets taken down.

Here’s all the family members who still survive the not-dead-yet Douglas:

It’s important to be first to publish, but that makes getting a quote awkward, so it’s always good to have something close enough to what people might be feeling about Kirk’s death in there. Even if it is from 1979:

But it’s not all bad new for People magazine. Their subs still have time to fix this “youngest Kirk’s” typo:

Douglas and his death has been the subject of several hoaxes linked to Facebook pages, the latest coming just in the past week reporting he had died on November 25. So it’s entirely possible the People page itself is a very clever fake. (We’re waiting on a reply from People.)

Hopefully, Douglas won’t be too shattered by the news and will be able to enjoy his 98th birthday on December 9.

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