One Banker's Hilarious Suggestions For Getting Through All-Nighters As An Analyst

Photo: Flickr via furryscalyman

Sorry young Wall Streeters, but you’ve given up sleep.And according to your bosses, you’ve given it up gladly. In fact you hate sleep, you never needed it in the first place. You will take your all-nighters with a smile (or else) — and one blogger on Wall Street Oasis will help you.

Below are a few suggestions on getting through long nights under fluorescent lights from bankerella. You see, it’s all about where your head is at. The all-nighter is a mental feat, so here are a few tricks to tell yourself that getting through any all-nighter is a piece of cake. 

  1. “My job is to take sh*t. Tonight I’m doing my job.” A lot of people (maybe even most people) are intellectually capable of doing the work of a junior banker. What differentiates you is that you can also take the shit that comes with it.
  2. “I’m earning a thousand bucks tonight.”Yes, this is the same mantra strippers use. And yes, I used it a lot too. It was based on the assumption that I’m going to do 70/90/whatever all-nighters this year and walk away with a $70k/$90k/whatever bonus, so whenever someone asked me to work all night long, it was like a 4-figure check had just hit my bank…
  3. “Elevate the hate.” This may look like it’s my associate’s fault, but it isn’t. His life is almost as sh*tty as mine. Way safer to blame this on somebody higher up. Always elevate the hate as high as possible; it makes life easier.Also, senior bankers will never notice if you hate them, but your associate definitely will.
  4. “Love low.” Show as much love as possible to the print shop guys, security folks, restaurant bicyclists, secretaries, presentation shop guys, black car drivers, summer analysts, junior analysts, and fellow analysts as possible…Those guys are your brothers in arms. Now put the prior two together: “Elevate the hate; love low….”
  5. “This is actually kind of funny.” Even if you don’t see the humour at first, keep reminding yourself of this. Eventually you will laugh. Or you will crack. “We’re all going to get together and laugh about this over beers in 10 years.” Except those who are VP and above. Those are the ones you’ll be laughing at.

Got that? Good luck. You’re going to need it.

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