OMG! Bob Rubin Sex Scandal!

Bob RubinI did not sleep with that woman.

Iris Mack, a former quant trader and one of the “Ladies of the Financial Crisis,” published a first-person account on HuffPo (via Gawker) that appears designed to destroy both her reputation and former Treasury Secretary Bob Rubin’s.It reads so absurdly that it really seems like a joke.  Except that both parties are quite real.

Here’s a taste:

I also remember teasingly inquiring as to whether he’d flown in on a Citigroup jet again. (He’d called me from one in December.) “It’s one of the perks,” he replied a bit sheepishly.

Things were much more relaxed by the time I walked him back to the Ritz – which was along the way to my South Beach condo. When we passed a homeless man along the way he made a bit of a show of opening up his fat leather billfold and producing a dollar — “There but for the grace of God…” he remarked melodramatically — and I gave him a lot of heat for that, because who exactly did he think he was kidding? I said give the man a job. Heck, you’re the head of a bank! But when we reached the hotel entrance, the tension returned. He got this funny look on his face, and asked:

“Do you want to go upstairs and…cuddle?”

So that’s what this is about.
For a moment I was totally speechless and had to dig into my Harvard trained PhD brain to figure out what the hell he meant by “cuddling”! What can I say; once a teetotaling maths geek, always a bit slow to pick up on signals from the menfolk. So the former Treasury Secretary had a “crush” on me! And not long afterward the former Treasury Secretary had his tongue down my throat and hands everywhere sort of like an octopus. But as soon as the thought entered my mind — the former Treasury Secretary has his tongue down my throat?! — I came to my senses a bit and awkwardly went back home before we both got too carried away. This is to say, I said to myself that there would be no other former Treasury Secretary appendages entering any other of my orifices.

Based on the rest of the account, Bob Rubin will be able to follow the example of his friend Bill Clinton and say “I did not have sex with that woman.”  But if any of this is remotely true, life probably won’t be happy in the Rubin household for a while.

(Headline by Felix Salmon. This post originally ran Friday evening, when the news broke).

Iris Mack

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