CONSPIRACY THEORY: colour Is A CIA-Backed Effort To Build The Matrix

Agent Smith The Matrix

Photo: Warner Bros.

So this week a startup called colour raised $41 million pre-launch.People went nuts when they heard about it.

$41 million?!


Anyway, one reader searching for an explanation came up with a conspiracy theory and sent it to us…via an anonymous audio file.


It’s Friday afternoon, and the theory is pretty fun – hello, the CIA – so here it is, transcribed to protect Morpheus our reader:

Sequoia invests in companies that are building the Matrix.

It is hilarious to think about what colour, the team, wants to build. They want to build a photo depiction of the entire world, which is clearly of use to things like intelligence services.

Imagine what the CIA would have to pay to get all Iranian citizens to collaborate in making a completely vivid map or depiction of Iran.

Look at what’s going on in these Middle Eastern countries. Libya and Bahrain.

All of that is enabled by social media, right?

So the intelligence agencies of the United States can’t be blind to that.

They must know that American social media technology is a critical proponent of American values in terms of openness and freedom and that those values are in opposition to dictatorship.And in opposition to the closed ways that dictators have to run their society, right?

So if Sequoia is working with CIA money, then they have a reason that goes above and beyond simply beyond making a good cash revenue out of it.

Furthermore, the Matrix theory is that when the movie The Matrix came out, probably a lot of futuristic-type people were like, “Well, that’s a technology story, right? How did the Matrix get built? Well, it’s obviously something like Second Life, right?” So colour actually turns the world into First Life.

You have then, like, theoretically, the possibility of constructing an entire simulation of the entire world using other people’s smartphones.

The users create the picture of the world together, right? And that can be annotated and augmented reality can be laid over top of it, et cetera.

So if you were a Silicon Valley VC during the time The Matrix came out, you must’ve been thinking, “Man, whenever apps come out that” – we didn’t even call them apps back then, but – “Whenever services come out that help us build the Matrix, that’s a good thing to invest in, because this is coming.”

Anyways, so that’s my crackpot theory about the Sequoia investment in colour.

More fictional fun at the expense of colour: Here’s The Pitch Deck colour Used To Close Its $41 Million Round [humour]

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