Last week I decided not to ramble on about some minuscule problem I have with football this season and instead go straight to the picks — and the results paid off! I went 11-5 against the spread, which is especially impressive because I’d been away from football the week before and — full disclosure — I make my picks 99% based off how every team looked the week prior. (The other 1% is pure grit, folks.)
So this week I’m riding the hot hand and doing the same thing. Only four weeks of the regular season left! I’m eight games above .500, so assuming I don’t pull an Atlanta Falcons and completely implode down the stretch, I should be OK.
[Last week: 11-5]
Minnesota Vikings (+11) @ Arizona Cardinals
A decent Thursday night game, for the second week in a row! Be still my heart!
The pick: Cardinals -11
Pittsburgh Steelers (+3) @ Cincinnati Bengals
This one will have a playoff feel to it, which doesn’t bode well for Andy Dalton.
The pick: Steelers +3
Buffalo Bills (-1) @ Philadelphia Eagles
The Handshake Bowl! Is the Chip Kelly/LeSean McCoy the dumbest story of the season?
The pick: Eagles +1
Atlanta Falcons (+7.5) @ Carolina Panthers
Why does it matter that the Panthers are the worst 12-0 team in history? They’re still 12-0…
The pick: Panthers -7.5
San Francisco 49ers (+1.5) @ Cleveland Browns
The pick: 49ers +1.5
Washington Redskins (+3) @ Chicago Bears
Please, Jay Cutler. I beg of you.
The pick: Redskins +3
Detroit Lions (-2.5) @ St. Louis Rams
There are very few plays in sports that just randomly pop into my head out of nowhere, but the Hail Mary against the Lions on Thursday is one of them. I still can’t believe it. I feel genuinely sorry for Lions fans, which is why I’m picking them against another awful team.
The pick: Lions -2.5
San Diego Chargers (+10) @ Kansas City Chiefs
It must be terrible watching the Chiefs if you’re an Eagles fan. Breaking news: Jeremy Maclin is very good!
The pick: Chiefs -10
New Orleans Saints (+3.5) @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers
I can’t believe the Bucs are a fun team now. What world is this?
The pick: Buccaneers -3.
Indianapolis Colts (PK) @ Jacksonville Jaguars
There are few lines on this game because Matt Hasselbeck is questionable, but even if he plays I think the Jags win.
The pick: Jaguars
Tennessee Titans (+7) @ New York Jets
Brandon Marshall is just awesome, man. There are so many other good wide receivers around the league right now that overshadow him, and many deservedly so, but Marshall should get more love.
The pick: Jets -7
Seattle Seahawks (-6) @ Baltimore Ravens
Honestly at this point I just feel sorry for Matt Schaub.
The pick: Seahawks -6
Oakland Raiders (+7.5) @ Denver Broncos
Brock Osweiler looks way too much like Robert Pattinson to be an elite quarterback, and I’m confident he’ll have a terrible game sometime before the playoffs. But it won’t be at home against the Raiders.
The pick: Broncos -7.5
Dallas Cowboys (+7) @ Green Bay Packers
What, the Packers get one lucky Hail Mary and now all their other problems are fixed?
The pick: Cowboys +7
New England Patriots (-3) @ Houston Texans
The Pats haven’t lost three straight since 2002. Brian Hoyer’s not changing that.
The pick: Patriots -3
New York Giants (-1) @ Miami Dolphins
I’m not giving up on my team. We’re winning out (that’s right … including against the Panthers) and winning this division. Enough of these four 6-10 NFC teams theories — the Giants are finishing 9-7 and peaking right on time.
The pick: Giants -1
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