The New York Times restaurant critic Pete Wells absolutely slams celebrity chef Guy Fieri’s new Times Square restaurant, Guy’s American Bar and Grill, before giving it zero stars and a “POOR” rating.
And Wells does so in a hillariously weird review, with the whole thing in questions directed at Fieri, basically accusing him of never even setting foot in the place.
All 50 questions are worth a read, even down to the tasting notes at the end (“The well-meaning staff seems to realise that this is not a real restaurant.”)
But these are a few of Wells’ finest zingers:
Why is one of the few things on your menu that can be eaten without fear or regret — a lunch-only sandwich of chopped soy-glazed pork with coleslaw and cucumbers — called a Roasted Pork Bahn Mi, when it resembles that item about as much as you resemble Emily Dickinson?
When you have a second, Mr. Fieri, would you see what happened to the black bean and roasted squash soup we ordered?
Hey, did you try that blue drink, the one that glows like nuclear waste? The watermelon margarita? Any idea why it tastes like some combination of radiator fluid and formaldehyde?
And unsurprisingly he complains about the buzzword-heavy menu, calling it a “whirling hypno wheel” where “adjectives and nouns spin in a crazy vortex.”
It almost makes us want to go check out the horror show for ourselves.
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