This past weekend I celebrated my 25th birthday in Vegas. My friend Chris Luna, a popular New York dating and relationship coach, was in attendance. He’s the founder of Craft of Charisma.
I’ve read books like Neil Strauss’ The Game and have certainly found that world interesting to read about, although for the kinds of women I typically go for, wearing a mad-hatter outfit and performing magic tricks is not a particularly effective approach.
Luckily, as I discovered the other night, Chris’ approach is far more holistic, and has a lot to do with how you perceive yourself, and very little to do with pickup lines, routines, or “peacocking.” (A pickup artist technique where you wear or do something a bit ridiculous to attract initial attention.)
Anyway — we ended up at a night club in the Encore hotel and casino called XS. It is widely considered one of the best clubs on the strip, along with Tao and Marquee.
Surrounded by go-go dancers, beautiful women, and a pool, I struck up a few conversations and was promptly shut down in 2 out of 3 instances — frustrated, I complained to Luna. He usually charges $3,000 to $4,000 a seat for his seminars, so I figured tapping into some free advice would be nice.
He suggested I do another approach, and he would watch from a distance. I told him I would be happy to do so the next morning — it was already 2:30 in the morning, my voice was hoarse from yelling over the music, and I was physically exhausted — not to mention demoralized by the the surprisingly cold “shut downs” I had received.
Luna wouldn’t take no for an answer, and I found myself walking up to a cute girl lounging in one of the cabana things near the pool. I ended up getting a number, but there were some stumbles. It was hardly smooth.
Like a genie, Luna appeared after I’d walked away from the cabana and gave me a number of pointers. He said it was time to do another approach. Again, I was tired and hesitant, but I agreed.
“Most guys go for the women they think they can realistically get, rather than the women they truly want,” he explained to me, gesturing emphatically (as he does often) to show the wide gap between those we want to attract and those we actually end up attracting.
With this in mind, my mission was now to find a woman I truly wanted — a perfect 10, intelligent, and perhaps a part-time model for Playboy or Hustler… that’s not asking too much, is it?
I found someone and went in for the approach. Success.
A third approach after that. Failure — the girl quickly proved to be downright mean, and after a couple minutes of conversation I escaped what was clearly a sinking ship.
A fourth approach. Success.
And then I was truly too physically and emotionally drained to continue — we got some food at an after-hours restaurant in the Wynn, debriefed, and called it a night.
The tips and pointers Luna gave me were pretty sound, in my opinion, and mostly had to do with body language, self-perception, and “tonality.”
The real dividends, however, came the next day as I was walking with a few other friends through the Forum Shops in Caesars Palace. Following Luna’s advice from the night before, I went only for the women I really wanted. No settling.
The approaches went well — shockingly well, actually. My friends were impressed, anyway, and I felt far more at ease with “approaching” by the end of the exercise.
NOW WATCH: Ideas videos
Business Insider Emails & Alerts
Site highlights each day to your inbox.