- MTV’s show “Ghosted,” which is hosted by former “Bachelorette” star Rachel Lindsay and actor and musician Travis Mills, helps people track down former lovers and friends who stopped communicating with them seemingly out of nowhere.
- The show is supposed to help those who have been ghosted to gain closure by confronting those who did the ghosting.
- Confronting someone who ghosted you could actually create an emotionally destabilizing situation, therapist Kelly Scott told Insider.
- “For some people, confronting the ghoster could bring up their fears and insecurities,” Scott said.
- Visit Insider’s home page for more.
When you have a handful of seemingly great dates with a prospective lover and then they abruptly stop all communication, it could cause a major blow to your confidence and leave you wondering what went wrong.
In MTV’s new show “Ghosted,” which premiered on Tuesday, people who’ve dealt with this situation track down and confront those who ghosted them, or suddenly stopped all communication without giving a reason.
The show’s hosts, former “Bachelorette” star Rachel Lindsay and actor and musician Travis Mills, help the show’s subjects (who they call “the haunted”) find their “ghosts” and confront them.
“This is actually at a secured set, we have security there, we have a therapist there, and there’s resources for the haunted and the ghost, if necessary,” Mills previously told Insider. “I’d say it’s a lot more controlled, and we’re there for one reason, right, and that’s for the haunted to get the answers that they have been searching for. Everything is intentional.”
MTV suggests the show helps the haunted get long overdue closure about their relationships, but according to therapist Kelly Scott of Tribeca Therapy, confronting someone who ghosted you can actually cause more problems than just moving on.
Learning why you were ghosted could cause a blow to your confidence and emotional wellbeing
If someone confronts a person who ghosted them, it can bring the traits they don’t like about themselves to the forefront and cause emotional distress, according to Scott.
“For many people who are in therapy or should be, it’s such an ego blow,” Scott told Insider. “It’s hard to get over because they assign so much meaning to the reason they were ghosted, like it means ‘I’m not pretty or smart or my body isn’t good enough.'”
If a woman with self-esteem problems were to confront a man who abruptly ditched her, and he candidly expressed that he stopped their communication because he didn’t find her interesting or felt their personalities didn’t click, that could make her feel even worse.
“It opens the door for cruelty,” Scott said, since it gives even more control to the ghost.
Perhaps MTV’s setup with therapists prevents the haunted from falling into this emotionally draining trap, but that’s not the norm.
Instead of confronting a ghoster, say your piece and let it go
In an ideal world, people wouldn’t ghost others, but that isn’t the reality.
“People are scared of conflict and ashamed of the feelings they have towards people, and don’t want to confront those things, so they run away,” Scott said.
If you do get ghosted and feel like you can’t just let it go, Scott recommended confronting the ghoster simply to share your feelings about what happened between the two of you.
“The conversation shouldn’t be about why you don’t like me or what happened,” Scott said. “It’s healthier and more helpful to be like, ‘Listen, I don’t want an explanation. I just want to let you know how that felt so I can walk away and leave it.’ It’s less of an asking and more of a telling.”
- Read more:
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- Falling out of love is a real thing, but it’s possible to rekindle romance if you ‘actively explore’ your relationship
- 6 signs you’re a bad partner even if you think you aren’t
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