10 Management Terms You Can Use To Sound Smarter Than Everyone Else


Following our critical view of what we saw as the worst management terms of 2011, we were delighted by the general response and to find such common concern over the diabolical increase in management jargon.

But why, if we know it is so dreadful, do we let it persist? We have decided that it’s most definitely a power game — an arms race. The holders of the newest and most convoluted terms are deemed to be the more superior.

As programs to eradicate plague pests, such as the Tetse fly, involve introducing sterile bred alternatives into the system to compete, so TMM are releasing their own batch of genetically modified 2012 Management Terms into the vocabulary. Hopefully, if adopted by enough people, they will help to show how silly most existing terms are, leading to their demise. We give you:

1. “Omegal” — from the Greek letter Omega, the last letter in their alphabet. Can be used negatively, “Jeff, ok, nice idea – but pretty omegal” as in “the last thing we would do.” Or positively, “Ok folks, lets Omegalise this thing” finalise or close the matter.

2. “Charge the trees” — Eco-reference together with moving forward rapidly. Bound to work. Suggested uses – “Hey we aren’t going to charge the trees on that one?”“Are you suggesting we charge the trees?”“He’s the type of guy who’d charge the trees.” Do feel free to make up any connotation you like, whether it is references to Rhino’s charging against trees to shake down ideas or to billing folks who really deserve a free service due to the morality of their work.

3. “Diodal” — Once you head off in a direction there is no turning back. “You realise that this is diodal? You with me?” “Market research has suggested that diodal uptake is presumptuous upon addiction.”

4. “Deep Sea 10”“I want you all to go Deep Sea 10 on this” or “Scott, 11th floor said “deep sea 10″ this by Friday.” Basically an idea or thought process that only the “Deep Sea 10” global rescue vehicle from a 1960s puppet show could pull it off. Of course, there never really was a “Deep Sea 10” but as proven by people who use the malapropism “no holes barred” few people challenge the origin of phrases anyway.

5. “Superstring” — Knowing the liking for misappropriating complex science into management sound bites, this one is off to a head start. It evokes joining more things together than anyone else has with normal strings. Very de-rigour in sales, management , system analysis, social networking, the lot. This one should easily catch on. “We are superstringing the network to optimise conjacent synergies.” “This will superstring all your strengths and client needs.” “Multidimensionalising superstrings is only one of the many applications that we can run on Data-Yuanque CRMs.”

6. “Euronation” — To have your top idea go so wrong even the ECB, IMF, and world superpowers are incapable of rescuing it. “The sales budgets for 2012 are looking subject to euronation in the current time frame.” Also see “euronate” – To cause cataclysmic failure. “Guys we need to Euronate on XYZ’s competitive offering.”

7. “Lolhor”Low on Left, High on Right. Every presentation always has to have as many of these graphs as possible. What is the use of a graph showing achievement, targets or dreams if it doesn’t start “low on the left” and go “high on the right”? “Jess, I’ve got some investors coming in in 30 minutes could you run me off some Lolhor charts for them please?” ( Tip: If you are struggling, use cumulative returns) Of course costs should be Hollor, but psychologically no one likes a graph that goes to zero, as once there, where’s your job?

8. “Three Buck Whistle” — Many management terms are derived from sporting, military, parliamentary, or transport terms where the original meaning has been lost in time. “The whole nine yards” is a classic example where there is no agreed source. We suggest that “three buck whistle” could be launched on similar lines. It will never be agreed as to whether it is derived from the length of steamboat’s hoot, a referee’s whistle, a musicians tin whistle, or the volume of a workman’s wolf-whistle (none, of course, as we just made it up) but we suggest it could easily slip into management parlance. “The Board gave that idea the three buck whistle.” “It wasn’t worth a three buck whistle”“This deal is THE three buck whistle .. {pause for effect}”

9. “Weidmann” — The opposite of reaching out. Not giving a damn and doing what you wanted to all along. “We have weidmanned the stakeholder community and pressed ahead with our original intentions.” “Hi Greg, I’d just like to weidmann you on the proposal you sent over.” “You wanted it in green? Can we remind you of the Weidmann Clause (page 87)? You are getting it in red.” {Any references to current leaders of the Bundesbank are entirely intentional}

10. “Yaldistic” — Insert it as an adjective in front of a noun of importance and see if anyone ever challenges it. If they do, explain that it is a reference to a school of thought developed by Marshall and Petigrew in 1955, which has been developed by the Yalding School of Management to describe a product of bandwidth ideation through outreach. However, as the latter terms have recently been discredited with the arrival of the YSM Grand Unification of Management Phraseology hypothesis. “Yaldism, yaldistic, yaldistically” are now preferred.

Please feel free to start using any of the above, see how many you can use without challenge (we would guess most) and report back as soon you spot any of them roaming free in the wild. As, ever the comments column is there for your own suggestions. Remember- “Make it up, make it work” (there’s another one).

This post originally appeared at Macro Man.