If you haven’t checked out Megan Fox’s latest Esquire interview, it’s one of the most bizarre things we’ve ever read.Beginning with a long, detailed description of an Aztec human sacrifice, the author tries to loosely parallel the act to Megan Fox’s Hollywood career, by referring to her as the last American Bombshell.
Vice has referred to it as “the worst thing ever written” while others have taken to Twitter to poke fun at some of the descriptions, (at one point her brow is pegged as a camouflaged butterfly”), and her even stranger quotes.
Throughout the piece, Fox is compared to buffalos, describes her love of the Book of Revelation, and shares about speaking in tongues at a young age.
The entire thing sounds transcendent, like something out of a sci-fi movie.
We’ve gathered some of the weirdest bits from the interview.
In case you were confused, Fox is not an ancient Aztec, but her life is similar to that of an human sacrifice.
'Megan Fox is not an ancient Aztec. She's a screen saver on a teenage boy's laptop, a middle-aged lawyer's shower fantasy, a sexual prop used to sell movies and jeans.
'It's so similar. It totally is,' she says quietly.
At the end of the year, the beautiful youth had to go up by himself. He had to go up willingly. That was part of the deal. Now she is shaking her head. 'Not everyone understands that that's the deal,' she says. Megan Fox will not go willingly to have her heart cut out.'
'To be a bombshell in 2013 is to be an antiquity, an old-world relic … Bombshells once used to roam the cultural landscape like buffalo, and like buffalo they were edging toward extinction.'
Fox is preparing for the end of days ... and is completely comfortable with the Antichrist (who she mentions once throughout the interview).
'I've read the Book of Revelation a million times,' Megan Fox says. 'It does not make sense, obviously. It needs to be decoded. What is the dragon? What is the prostitute? What are these things? What is this imagery? What was John seeing? And I was just thinking, What is the Antichrist?'
'The symmetry of her face, up close, is genuinely shocking. The lip on the left curves exactly the same way as the lip on the right. The eyes match exactly. The brow is in perfect balance, like a problem of logic, like a visual labyrinth. It's not really even that beautiful … What she is is flawless. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her.'
'I have seen magical, crazy things happen. I've seen people be healed. Even now, in the church I go to, during Praise and Worship I could feel that I was maybe getting ready to speak in tongues, and I'd have to shut it off because I don't know what that church would do if I started screaming out in tongues in the back.
She would much rather be an archaeologist exploring the ancient ruins of Israel and Egypt.
'I feel like there's stuff literally buried there and buried where the Maya were,' she says. Ancient aliens who gave rise to ancient civilizations on earth. 'I would like to uncover the secrets of the universe. In my fantasy.'
'Not the pot of gold, not the Lucky Charms leprechauns. But maybe was there something in the traditional sense? I believe that this stuff came from somewhere other than people's imaginations ...'
She also believes in aliens (she has said in the past her favourite show is 'Ancient Aliens'), the Lochness Monster, and Bigfoot.
Describing her brow: 'It's closer to the sublime, a force of nature, the patterns of waves crisscrossing a lake, snow avalanching down the side of a mountain, an elaborately camouflaged butterfly.'
'All that remains of Marilyn (Fox's old tattoo) is a few drops of black against skin that is the colour the moon possesses in the thin air of northern winters.'
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