Matt Taibbi detests Goldman Sachs.
In fact the story is pretty much one long op-ed, and not surprisingly, it’s full of some trademark Taibbi similies.
In some, he’s funny. In others, he’s just going way too far…
Either way, no doubt you’ll be hearing about the story in the next few weeks, especially in light of the fact that it supposedly impacted the decision of Dick Bove to downgrade the stock.
So here were the trademark Taibbi comparisons that jumped out at us:
- “This is kind of like taking all the kids who were picked last to play volleyball in every gym class of every public school in the state, throwing them in a new gym, and pretending that the first 10 kids picked are varsity-level players. Then you take all the unpicked kids left over from that process, throw them in a gym with similar kids from all 50 states, and call the first 10 kids picked All-Americans.”
- Goldman was like a car dealership that realised it had a whole lot full of cars with faulty brakes. Instead of announcing a recall, it surged ahead with a two-fold plan to make a fortune: first, by dumping the dangerous products on other people, and second, by taking out life insurance against the fools who bought the deadly cars.”
- “This is a little like getting an invoice from an interior decorator who, in addition to his fee for services, charges you $170 a roll for brand-name wallpaper he’s actually buying off the back of a truck for $63.”
- “These were the recycled nightmare dregs of the mortgage craze — to quote Beavis and Butt-Head, “the arse of the arse.”
- “Goldman isn’t a pudgy housewife who broke her diet with a few Nilla Wafers between meals — it’s an advanced-stage, 1,100-pound medical emergency who hasn’t left his apartment in six years, and is found by paramedics buried up to his eyes in cupcake wrappers and pizza boxes.”
- “Sparks, who stepped down as Goldman’s mortgage chief in 2008, cut a striking figure in his testimony. With his severe crew cut, deep-set eyes and jockish intransigence, he looked like a cross between H.R. Haldeman and John Rocker.”