12 Hilariously Incriminating Quotes From The Latest Insider Trading Bust

Matt Kluger

Photo: WSGR

The plan was for Matt Kluger, an M&A lawyer, and Garrett Bauer, a trader, to exchange information through a middleman using pre-paid cell phones and pay phones.Then, Bauer would allegedly trade on the information and take the profits out of the ATM in cash.

The plan went horribly awry. Today, Kluger and Bauer were arrested for insider trading.

M&A LAWYER MAT KLUGER TELLS HIS FRIEND HOW TO HIDE EVIDENCE

Kluger: 'What you have to do with this thing is put it in an offisite location. You got to hide it somewhere that has nothing to do with you. They have dogs that can sniff, that can sniff for cell phones. They train them for prisons.'

Middleman: 'Dogs that sniff the cell phones?'

Kluger: 'Yes.'

ALLEGED INSIDER TRADER'S FRIEND WORRIES THAT THE ENVELOPES HOLDING DIRTY CASH COULD LEAD BACK TO HIM

M&A LAWYER MATT KLUGER WORRIES HE DEPOSITED THE DIRTY CASH IN HIS BANK ACCOUNT TOO SOON

Kluger: 'The issue is going to be if they get my name and they figure out that I was there. And then they look at my bank deposite because my bank deposite are going to be vaguely at the right time.'

Middleman: 'As soon as I gave you the money you would put it in the bank?'

Kluger: 'Not as soon as but, you know.'

M&A LAWYER MATT KLUGER WORRIES THAT HE DIDN'T TIP HIS FRIEND WITH INFORMATION FROM A SAFE LOCATION

Kluger: 'The only other bad thing is that occasionally I would call you on one of those calling cards from a pay phone that's not far from the office.'

Middleman: 'You know something I don't remember any of that so - I'm, I'm shocked that you can even remember any of that stuff.'

Kluger: 'I think I said to you, you've got to watch the timing, don't call him now.'

....

Kluger: 'I mean, they'll be close but, you know. They can't put me at that pay phone, let's put it that way.'

M&A LAWYER AND TRADER'S FRIEND WORRIES THAT THE FBI WILL FIND OUT WHAT'S IN HIS SAFE DEPOSIT BOX

Kluger: 'Unless you get one that used to work for the mob or something. That's all these, that's all these former prosecutors know. It's whoever - he's going to tell you whoeever makes the first deal makes the best deal and blah blah. '

M&A LAWYER MATT KLUGER ASKS HIS FRIEND TO THROW AWAY THE PHONE THAT CONNECTS THEM

Kluger: 'And I really would like to see this phone go bye-bye ASAP, like maybe tonight if you can.'

Middleman: 'Oh -- alright, alright, alright, I can do that. OK. I'm not going to walk 10 thousand miles.'

Kluger: 'Do you want this to be our undoing?'

Middleman: 'No, no, no, but I am not going to walk -- I am not going to drive five miles. I'm just going to.'

Kluger: 'No , no, no, you don't have to drive five miles. There's probably a garbage can somewhere down the street.'

TRADER GARRETT BAUER PLOTS HOW TO EXPLAIN $100,000s IN ATM WITHDRAWALS

Bauer: 'I used that as spending money. I don't know, I will say I bought prostitutes if it came down to it.'

TRADER GARRETT BAUER TELLS HIS FRIEND TO BURN THE DIRTY CASH IN A FIRE

Bauer: 'I'd almost -- you know what, if you feel better burn the money and I'll give it back to you.'

Middleman: 'Burn it?'

Bauer: 'I would burn it in a fire.'

Middleman: 'You know something, that's foolish. You know what -- this cousin of mine, he is not a, he is the straightest shooter. He's a cool guy, I mean he's a cool guy.'

BAUER'S FRIEND SUGGESTS THEY WASH THE CASH IN A WASHING MACHINE INSTEAD

Bauer: 'We have to get all the fingerprints off that money.'

Middleman: 'Yeah.'

Bauer: 'Like you wearing gloves or something and wiping every bill down or something. But it has to be done. Or as, like, you giving it to me and me wiping every bill down.'

Middleman: 'You know something. Somebody did say, 'why don't you just run it through a dish-, a dish-washing machine?''

Bauer: 'Well, I don't know. I mean, I've seen that in the movies but I don't know -- who said that? Someone said that to you?'

Middleman: 'Yeah [laughing, my cousin did. He goes, 'run it through a washing mashing.' And I'm like, 'you can do that?' and he goes, 'yeah.' And I go 'alright.''

BAUER ADMITS THAT HE DID SOMETHING WRONG

Middleman: 'You know, I can't explain it - it's just like, it's shock and I think about it and I just say, you know, it is, it is what it is.'

Bauer: 'Right, I mean the fact is we did something wrong. So it is not like we are being convicted of doing nothing. We did something wrong here.'

Middleman: 'Right.'

BAUER'S FRIEND SAYS HE MIGHT END UP IN JAIL

Who ratted out who? Check out what happened in a similar insider trading case.

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