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It’s basic psychology. Interacting with people, whether it’s a significant other or a potential employer, requires careful relationship management.And there are a surprising amount of dating tips that can be applied professionally.
Think that’s total crap?
In February, Roy Cohen, a career counselor and executive coach who previously handled outplacement for Goldman Sachs, told Forbes that the best book for job-seekers is The Rules: Time Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right.
Then there’s RealMatch.com, a site that monetizes this concept. The self-proclaimed “eHarmony of the employment industry” combines the best of employment sites with the best of online dating and has raised $9.5 million in funding.
If you really want to kill two birds with one stone, brush up on your dating tips — it could help you land your dream relationship, and your dream job.
1. Present yourself appropriately
2. Get out there and meet people
3. Everybody wants what they can't have, so make yourself desirable
4. Open yourself up to new possibilities
5. Don't be fooled; do your research
This includes cleaning up social network profiles and dressing appropriately for an interview.
According to QuintCareers.com, 'In job-hunting, first impressions are critical. Remember, you are marketing a product -- yourself -- to a potential employer, and the first thing the employer sees when greeting you is your attire.'
Likewise, Cosmopolitan.com claims something similar about dating first impressions: 'According to a new study, a person's physical appearance allows others to form surprisingly accurate first impressions. So you may want to think twice about what kind of image you're projecting.'
Most job hires are from someone's current professional network or recommendations from friends and colleagues. Submitting blindly online is often trumped by a pre-existing, trusted relationship.
Shake those first-encounter jitters and attend networking events to broaden your list of contacts.
The Bureau of labour Statistics suggests that people who use many job search methods find jobs faster than people who use only one or two. First on their list of suggested tactics is reaching out to personal contacts.
Bill Jeffries, a senior career consultant concurs: 'You need what we call a 'warm contact,' someone you can call to have lunch or coffee, even if they don't do anything close to what you do. That person can put you in touch with someone they know, and then your network will start to build.'
Riki Markowitz, a former reporter, research editor and writer at Maxim, Lucky, and The Knot, writes this dating advice for men: 'Widen your social circle because nearly 26 per cent of newly married couples met through a friend or relative.'
It is much easier to land a job when you're already employed. Having multiple options can give you leverage with salary, benefits, and it will give you some of the power in the process.
When looking for a job, career counselor Roy Cohen tells Forbes.com, 'You need to create desirability and attractiveness. You do that by appearing slightly unavailable.'
Dating coach and author David Wygant offers this tip to men, 'If you have plans with a friend, keep those plans even if the woman you're dating asks you to do something that night. Women don't want men who are like a 7-Eleven -- convenient and ready 24/7.'
Come out of your comfort zone and consider all the options for your skill set. Take calculated risks and broaden your job search while keeping the opportunity within reach.
Jobsearch.com advises, 'Don't limit your search by only applying to positions that meet your exact criteria. Instead, having an open mind (remember, you won't know exactly what the job entails until you interview) when reviewing the job ads will increase your applications and increase your chances for getting an interview.'
Similarly, Seventeen.com tells readers that taking more chances can help them meet boyfriends.
'Sign up for a cooking class, take a trip abroad...When you live so that you're always looking for new experiences, you'll always find them.'
Dream jobs and employers aren't always what they seem. Do your research to make sure you don't wind up in a Devil Wears Prada situation.
In that same vein, employers like to see that you've done your homework before an interview.
'When meeting candidates at job fairs, I like to see that they've done their research,' Louis Dennis, a human resources representative for State Farm Insurance Companies, tells Monster.com.
She says, 'Folks who can sit down with me already knowing something about the company and the types of jobs they're interested in are very impressive to me.'
Barbara Brooks, a New York-based professional matchmaker with 16 years of experience offers similar advice to women hunting for boyfriends. 'Look beyond his good looks,' she suggests. 'Don't be dazzled by a handsome face. Is this guy worthy of winning your heart? How does he treat his mother?' If the person is simply eye candy, Brooks advises her clients to take heed.
6. Know the difference between persistence and annoyance
7. Let the organiser lead the conversation
8. Communicate and listen
9. Be honest and tell them how you feel
10. Make sure you click
11. Make them feel special
Cohen suggests a reworked version of The Rules No. 2 dating tip, 'don't talk to a man first,' for the interview process -- follow the hiring manager's lead.
He tells Forbes, 'Let him or her set the tone. But if you sit down and an awkward silence ensues, break the ice by saying something like, 'It's great to be here, thank you so much for spending time with me.' While you don't want to dominate the conversation, you do want to appear socially skilled.'
Absorb information about the company and contribute to the conversation by asking questions. This will show an employer you care about the job and came prepared.
In her book, Basic Black, Hearst Chairman Cathie Black recalls dismissing a potential hire because she caught them reading the latest issue while waiting for their interview.
Show off what you can contribute, but learn the information ahead of time.
Jobsearch.com offers this piece of advice: 'During the job interview, try to relax and stay as calm possible. Take a moment to regroup. Listen to the entire question before you answer and pay attention - you will be embarrassed if you forget the question!'
Yahoo Personals also tells men to listen if they want to land a lady:
'In order to have good conversation and bond with a woman, you need to listen to what she says. If you listen to her, you will know what to say next. It's called a conversation for a reason. A lot of men always think about what to say next, or they have a script in their head about what to say next. That's not a conversation -- that's a bad screenplay.'
Tell an employer you really want the position. When an offer is on the line, don't play games. Be candid about your interest in the job.
QuintCareers.com offers this tip: 'Close the interview by telling the interviewer(s) that you want the job and asking about the next step in the process. (Some experts even say you should close the interview by asking for the job.)'
Cosmopolitan.com dating blogger Bethany Heitman writes that hiding emotions, when dating, can backfire. 'Guys, like women, actually feel pumped up when their partner fawns over them,' she insists. 'Plus, if you hide how you feel, he is going to think you're indifferent and may look for someone who is clearly into him.'
During an interview, make sure you like your potential boss and team members. Team chemistry can make or break job experiences.
Glassdoor career expert Hank Stringer tells prospective hires to reflect on this: 'How you are treated on day one can be a reflection of what your future interactions may be like socially. Consider how social you like to be at work and what helps you get the most enjoyment and be the most productive in your job.'
Chemistry is also is often the difference between a friendship and a committed relationship when dating.
Dr. Neil Clark Warren, Founder of eHarmony.com warns, 'There must be an ember of initial attraction to build from. Without any chemistry, you're better off as friends.'
Send thank you emails or gifts to let employers know you're serious about the opportunity. Going an extra step can make all the difference.
Monster.com suggests, 'Email or mail a thank-you note within 24 hours...The follow-up is one more chance to remind the interviewer of all the valuable traits you bring to the job, and you don't want to miss this last chance to market yourself.'
'When I've met someone promising, I'm looking for them to follow up,' Louis Dennis, a human resources representative for State Farm Insurance Companies, tells Monster.com. 'If they do, that's a sign of serious interest.'
Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker shares the same words of wisdom for daters: 'You're not living in the movie Swingers where you're supposed to wait X amount of days to call back,' she insists. 'Busy men don't like rude girls--and there's plenty of fish in the sea besides you!'
12. realise that there's going to be a lot of rejection
13. Don't be desperate
14. Know when to commit
15. Look ahead to the future
Emails lost in the abyss, calls sent to voicemail, messages left with a secretary, LinkedIn declines - there are a million ways to be rejected in the job market. Finding the right opportunity takes time.
Kathy Lord, a romantic coach and author offers advice one how someone should lick their dating wounds: 'Not everyone will want to buy what you are selling, but if you have a good product, you'll be able to find customers if you look in the right places. Make sure you believe in your product (you!) and that your product is ready for market.'
Don't accept the offer just because a suitor is eager. You should take a job opportunity because it advances your career, not to escape a current situation.
'Just like dating,' career counselor Roy Cohen tells Forbes, 'if an employer is pushing too hard to get you to accept an offer, you can afford to push back.'
According to a study by UC Berkeley, the average American spends an estimated 2,088 hours each year at work. With that much time at stake, you don't want to settle for any old job.
Cosmopolitan Magazine says the same thing about relationships: 'The fear of spending your whole life without someone can consume you and drive you to make a decision to stay and stick it out in a bad relationship. Or, it can lead you to choose to be in a relationship with someone totally wrong for you...Learn to be happy solo and take care of your health--and that includes being in a relationship that you want and derive true happiness from.'
Can you see yourself at the new company for a while? Is it a stepping stone towards your ultimate career goal?
Make sure the job is one that will help you achieve your professional aspirations and not steer you off course.
MSN.com elaborates: 'There's nothing worse for your career than getting stuck in a dead-end job. While a so-so role may be fine in the short term, holding a position that does not allow for advancement for an extended period of time can take a toll on your health and happiness.'The same goes for dating. Once you reach a certain age, anyone you date is potential marriage material. From iVillage:
'When you're getting to know someone, ask yourself if you and he have the same core values,' says Dr. Neil Clark Warren, Founder of eHarmony. 'Think money, intelligence, lifestyle and sense of humour,' he says. 'And think really hard if your major life goals mix well.'
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