Look At These Hideous Christmas Trees Designed By Celebrities

calvin klein macy's christmas tree

Macy’s Christmas charity promotion for the Make-A-Wish foundation revolves around 14 Christmas trees designed by such luminaries as Calvin Klein, Michael Kors, Ralph Lauren, Madonna and Jessica Simpson.

The trees were advertised in full-page Sunday newspaper ads starting last week in hopes of attracting people to bid on them in an auction for the charity. But it’s clear that some of these star-name designers have turned in duds — bids are widely spread, with Ralph Lauren, Rachel Roy and Sean John attracting top dollar while hideous trees submitted by Madonna, Klein, Kenneth Cole and Jessica Simpson trail the pack by a wide margin. You can place a bid yourself here.

As you can see by Klein’s tree, pictured here, the spirit of Christmas appears to have eluded him: It’s a brutal edifice of steel and fluorescent lights. Macy’s describes it as “breathtaking in its sculptural simplicity.” Whatever. The bid on it was just $475 at the time of writing.

It could all change, the deadline for final bids is Dec. 2.

Donald Trump's tower of gold

Trump, of course, is notorious for thinking that anything made of gold or coloured gold is by definition classy. So what could be more classy than this tree, which Macy's describes thus, 'A tower of golden bullion bars gleams with light for a Christmas vision that's pure magic.'

Current bid: A dismal $550.

Kenneth Cole's garbage tree

It looks like a pile of trash and, mostly, it is. Macy's says Kenneth Cole's bizarre conceptual piece is made of 'rusted metal branches fitted with vintage shoe forms and shoehorns.'

Current bid: A pitiful $325. The designer is in last place behind rank amateurs such as Jessica Simpson and Emeril Lagasse.

Betsey Johnson: Surprisingly tasteful!

Johnson's clothes are known for their quirkiness -- you need to have a certain amount of hipster cred and confidence in order to pull them off. Her Macy's tree, on the other hand, is a delight: Tasteful, bright, fun and traditional. She gets it.

Bid: $1,100.

Sean John: Job well done

This silver and rhinestone concoction is 'a wintry mix of pure luxury and good vibes,' Macy's says. It's one of the nicer ones on offer and, interestingly, fits seamlessly with P. Diddy's brand and style.

Bid: $2,300 -- one of the more popular designs.

Rachel Roy: Weird but oddly appealing

What's going on here? Macy's says: 'The Rachel Roy tree is a rare vintage find! This 7-ft. tall antique bust form gives way to a voluminous -- and luminous -- wired skirt, patterned with mercury glass ornaments and prancing reindeer in a forest of lights.'

Not for everyone, but it would make a great conversation piece if you're celebrating a hip, non-traditional Christmas.

Bid: $2,750 -- Roy is currently the most-wanted tree of all the celebrity designers.

Ralph Lauren: Make the logo bigger!

Ralph Lauren makes beautiful, high-quality clothes that would be so much nicer if he could refrain from covering them with his obtrusive logos. Same goes for the tree: It's traditional but with a twist -- are those deer antlers? -- but is spoiled by the giant 'RL' monogram.

Bid: $2,750. Bidders disagree with my review, apparently -- Lauren is currently the joint leader with Roy.

Jessica Simpson: Is that a hubcap?

If you think that's a bunch of spray-painted bottle caps sitting inside an upturned hubcap, you're wrong. It's actually made of 'golden wire wrapped branches, faux pearls, feathered friends and berry sprays -- all atop a gilded pedestal urn.'

Bid: $475. Not surprising.

Michael Kors: Dead tree

This, allegedly, is Kors' 'tree of life.' Yet it's decorated entirely in silver and black with nary a leaf or pine needle in sight. Would you want this in your living room?

Bid: $1,030.

Emeril Lagasse: Everything but the kitchen sink

You want a Christmas tree? Bam! Not happening! This just looks like he handed in one of his old pot racks.

Bid: $1,100.

Greg Norman: Pitch and putt

Wouldn't look out of place at a mini-golf stand, in the sense that it's comically awful.

Bid: $700.

Tommy Hilfiger: An actual tree!

It's a 7-foot traditional pine decorated with Hilfiger's family portrait. Amazingly, it appears to be an actual tree -- one of only two in the entire collection.

Bid: $2,150.

Madonna: Nothing says Christmas like pink and black

Another tree that's not for everyone. If you're a Madonna fan you'll probably love it. If not, well, maybe next year.

Bid: $550.

Martha Stewart: Nailed it!

Trust Martha to get it right. It's a 'sweeping blue spruce perched atop a grand cake stand, adorned with cool peppermint garlands, sweet candy canes and spicy gingerbread cookies. It may look good enough to eat, but this tree is just for looks!'

Bid: $1,300.

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